Perfect!

Saturday night I didn't sleep very well. Nolan was up coughing half the night and I kept checking on him, plus I was thinking a lot. One of the things that I was thinking about was how emmersed in life I get. Life just seems to fly by and everything seems to become such a blur. I get caught up in caring for my family and driving them places and doing errands and just getting consumed by it all. Sometimes I wonder, "What is the purpose of it all?" I mean, am I really serving a purpose? Are any of us really serving a purpose with what we do with our lives? In today's world it sure doesn't look like it a lot of the time. Everyone appears to be consumed with themselves.

Anyway, I know that I become consumed with myself. When I say "myself", I mean my family, because that IS primarily what I am: My boys' mother and my husband's wife. And, I'm totally O.K. with this! But, I do feel like it consumes me and I'm unable to help others as much as I'd want to and unable to "put my stamp on this world."

I started thinking that most people I know probably feel like this. I know that my purpose is to mother my children and to try to raise them to be the best that they can possibly be, but am I really helping the world or others by doing this? Many days it surely doesn't feel like I am! I look at many people and their calling in life and think that they probably feel the same way that I feel.....maybe not, but I think so. Then there are doctors, nurses, teachers and ministers.....now these professions' purposes are very clear to me. They are saving lives and educating! I long to feel more purposeful, like they must. Actually, I am a nurse and when I worked outside the home, I never really felt that purposeful then either. So, maybe all these crazy thoughts and feelings are just me?!

But, seriously, I find myself going through each and every day and wonder if I am really accomplishing anything important? Yes, I try to be a good Mom and I try to raise up my children so that they will someday be able to offer something important to this world. And, having Gavin in my life I truly do have a huge role.....just in keeping him alive alone! But, what is the purpose in that in the end?

And, in all of my duties how well do I even do them? I FAIL MISERABLY ALL DAY LONG! I lose my patience. I give up sometimes. I get lazy. I get angry and want to knock someone upside their head occasionally.....OOPS did I actually just type that, maybe this is just how I act and feel some days?! :) But actually, I'm confident that I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Many of us try to be good people. But, when you think about it we are, for the most part, pretty rotten! At least I know that I am! I try! And, I do succeed to do well often, but probably half of my day I am feeling grumpy or upset with someone, or I'm annoyed or, I am not feeling fulfillment in the role that God has given me. In other words I sin all day long!

Yesterday morning I woke up and said something like this to Joel, "Can you imagine being Jesus and living on this earth and NEVER sinning?!" I sure can't imagine! I'm sure that I wouldn't have lasted 1 hour without sinning!

"There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10

Guess what the message was that we heard in church yesterday morning?! You guessed it! It was on this very topic! I love when this happens!

It AMAZES me that Jesus was able to do this, as a human, on this earth! Although, He was God, He was sent in human form and, like we learned in church, He was under the same laws that we are under (The Ten Commandments) and He was able to uphold all of these laws! WOW! And, He did not have to do this, but He did.....For us! And, He did it PERFECTLY!

Since He had to endure a lot of what we have to endure each day, He can truly understand us and our feelings:

"For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 4:15

I feel that it is such a blessing to know that God understands the feelings, concerns and hardships that I go through each day! But, I can't even begin to grasp that He was able to go through all of this and NEVER sin or have a bad thought or action! AMAZING!

He walked this earth and suffered for us, so that we might be saved and live eternally with Him! And, another blessing that we have is that we do not have to do ANYTHING to gain entrance into life eternal with Him! He took to Himself our transgressions. He purchased us and redeemed us! He did all of this for us and He did all of it while living perfectly! Truly Amazing.....but that's God!

So, every day I will try. I will try to do the duties that I have been called to do and although I will continue to sin all day long, I will try to be thankful that; although this life is far from perfect and I am far from perfect, there IS A PURPOSE!

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Here is a picture of Nolan reading the Bible to Caleb and Caleb's stuffed animals.



Seeing this warmed my heart! I fail miserably as a Mom, but for the most part, their hearts are in the right place. In fact, Nolan's teacher said at school conferences, that sometimes she really wants to go home with a child to watch them interact with their family, just to learn how a child has become the person that that they have become. She told us that she feels this way about Nolan, because he has so many gifts.

While this also warmed my heart, Joel and I can take almost no credit for him being the way that he is! He is the way that God made him and God gave him some really wonderful gifts! Nolan was also given some really bad behaviors, :) but, he was given many WONDERFUL qualities and he tries really hard to use these qualities to their fullest! This is a daily inspiration to me! That I should use my gifts and to try to be content in my role!

And, this little guy!



He is so innocent and I often say, "More God-like." I can't help but feel closer to God when I am around him! God made Gavin very different than most of us, but I can't help but feel that he is, in many ways, more like Jesus than any of us could ever be! This, too, is an inspiration to me!

Actually, ALL of my boys are an inspiration to me! They are such blessings!

So, all this thinking has created a LONG post (Sorry!), but it has also made me realize that I am truly blessed and that, although life is crazy and it may seem to be without purpose, it sure is GOOD!


"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all that trust in Him." Psalm 18:30

Can you guess what today was?!

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Here is a hint:



Here's another hint:



The part of Michigan that we live in got it's first big snow lastnight! This is late in the year for these parts! But, This snow grinch (ME) is certainly not complaining!

So, guess what the boys got to do?




They got a snow day and got to stay home from school!

Jacob was very excited about this! Nolan and Caleb wanted to go to school, but they were very excited about the opportunity to play outside in all the snow!







What about Gavin?

He got a snow day from school too, but instead of playing outside, he decided to play under the Christmas tree with his toys!





I actually LOVE snow days! I like the opportunity of having my boys home with me for an unexpected day of fun. I love getting more time with them and I love watching their excitement!

But, How do I feel about the snow?????

YUCK!!!

It's BEAUTIFUL.....but that's about it!

Here we go..........Wet boots, hats, gloves, snowpants and coats! Wet floors and rugs! Dangerous driving conditions. More time in getting the boys ready to go anywhere and more time getting there! And, LOTS of Shoveling! UGH!

But, it sure is gorgeous!




"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." Isaiah 1:18

Gavin's Favorite Time of Year!

I'm quite sure that this time of year is Gavin's favorite time of the year. He loves having the Christmas tree up and having something all lit up to look at. He just stares at it and smiles and gets excited!




Being legally blind, Gavin doesn't see very well, but he really responds to lights. With the Christmas tree up he always has something that really stimulates him visually. This is great therapy for him! He even reaches up towards the tree's branches and grabs at them.



At his school they have a "little room". It's a cubed box that has toys hanging from it and the child lays in it to play. With Gavin, since he can't see well, they turn out the classroom lights and shine flourescent lights on the "little room" so that the toys are highlighted and create shadows. He LOVES the "little room"! He gets really excited and wiggles and grabs for the toys. His teacher says that this is very exciting to see. Gavin's blindness is called Cortical blindness, which means it stems from the brain. This means that with therapy, like he does at school with light therapy, he may be able to see better one day.

Having the Christmas tree up at home creates a similiar atmosphere for him. With the lights off in the room and the tree shining, he has opportunity to do therapy at home too! Plus, it's very pretty and fun for the rest of us as well! I have always hated taking down the tree each year, but it's even harder to do now with Gavin enjoying it so much!

Speaking of Chritmas trees and lights, I took the boys to a mall near us this past weekend. They had a bunch of trees decorated that you could vote on. You paid a dollar to vote for your favorite tree and the money would go to Special Olympics. They were also going to auction off the trees after the voting was done. I thought that this was a great way to raise money for this awesome organization!

While we were there I had to take pictures of the boys in front of one of the mall trees! Jacob told me that it was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life! I didn't feel badly for him though. I have to get them back for all the times they embarrassed me, right?! That's part of the fun of being a Mom don't ya think?!

Here are a couple of the pictures:





I know that I'm biased, but aren't they a handsome bunch?!


"Oh house of Jacob, come and let us walk in the light of the Lord." Isaiah 2:5

Picture Time!

A couple of weeks ago, when we had a warm Fall day around here, I decided to take some pictures of our boys outdoors. I thought that it might be a great time to try to get some pictures for our holiday greeting cards. Have I mentioned how difficult it is to get a decent picture of our boys? Well, in case I haven't, check out the evidence below!

They are either covering their faces up with their hands.



Acting goofy.



Trying to do the Moon Walk.



Acting silly.



Or, falling over!



Believe it or not, I was able to get a few good shots of them, amongst all the craziness! Who needs exercise when you have 4 boys to take pictures of?!

Anyway, I would love to send out holiday cards to some of our friends that we have met through blogging and also to friends that we've met in real life. I have a few of your addresses (if I haven't lost them!) and would love to get more of them. So, If you are interested in seeing the finished product of our boys' photo session, and you don't think that I have your address, please e-mail me your address to our yahoo account (javanderwall@yahoo.com) or leave a comment with your address on here.

Thanks!!!


The following verse, from the Bible, is so fitting that I was actually laughing out loud! Friends are certainly wonderful and brothers DEFINITELY create lots of adversity!! :)


"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

"I see a winner!"

A couple of weeks ago Joel's Grandpa passed away. We went to his memorial service this weekend. It was nice to see lots of family that we don't get to see too often and it was also nice to take time to remember a great man. Joel's Grandpa lived to be 90 years old and he lived a very full life! He was a fun guy to be around. He always had a great story to tell and he could hold our boy's minds captive with his stories, like no one else could. He also had a way of making you feel like you were very important to him. I always felt special when I was around him. He will be dearly missed!

Here is the last picture that we have of him, which was taken this summer.



At his memorial I had the privilege of meeting an "Angel". I was sitting with Gavin, when a lady came up to us and said, "You don't know me, but I just had to come and say Hi to you and your Angel." I knew who she was talking about right away.....She was talking about Gavin! She said, "I have an Angel too. Let me go get her." She came back with her "Angel" and I was so glad that she did! Her "Angel" was named Judy and she was 52 years old. Oh, and she just happened to have Down syndrome like Gavin does. I fell in love with her instantly!

Her Mom said that she always goes up to others that have an "Angel" too. She also said that she can spot an "Angel" a mile away. She always says to her husband, "Oh, I think that I've spotted a winner!" He doesn't know how she does it, but I do! I can spot these wonderful humans a mile away as well!

She said that us Moms, of these "Angels", have a calling from God and that it is a great calling to have. I couldn't agree more! I am so happy to have met this lady and her "Angel" and I'm so glad that she took the time to come and introduce herself! She definitely made my day!

There are so many people that try to be supportive of me, as Gavin's mother. But, no one can totally support you or get you, like another Special Need's Mother can! Others just can't understand what a blessing your child is and others just can't understand the highs and the lows that come with having this child in your life! I always come away from meeting another Special Needs Momma feeling like I have such a bond with them, even if I've only talked with them for a few minutes. I totally "get" them and they can totally "get" me! This is an awesome feeling!

Of course, there are different degrees of a child's special needs and I can definitely "get" some Mommas, more than others. Some of us deal with greater difficulties and have a "less" bright future ahead with our child's loss of abilities. But, all Special Needs Moms have such a heart and bond with another Special Needs Mom! So, I was THRILLED to meet Judy and her wonderful mother!

They totally understand the blessing it is to have a Gavin in their life! They totally get that when you can make your child laugh, considering their mental or physical abilities, it is THE BEST SOUND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!



And, they totally get it, that when your Special Needs child smiles, it is THE MOST AWESOME SIGHT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!



I am so thankful for all the great Mommas that I have had the privilege of meeting or getting to know by blogging! Thanks for taking the time to support me and for just "getting" me and for loving my son just because of who he is! You are all winners to me!

Oh, and here is a blog site to go to if you are interested. And, here is another one. I read a couple of things on both of these sites this weekend and today, and both address some of what I've said here today. One of the above sites has a song about Special Needs children and parenting them. The other site has a list of reasons to be thankful for your Special Needs child. They both hit the nail on the head and brought tears and a smile to my face! Check them out!

To sum it up, it's kind of like this: Only another parent, especially a mother, of another Special Needs child can truly understand what the other parent is going through. We are part of a "private club" and you may only join this club if you are called to do so, or if your heart is big enough to take on this calling yourself. You can't possibly understand the rules and regulations of this club, unless you have been blessed with a special ticket, which allows you admittance into this club. (Sorry, no exceptions allowed! :) That's just the way it is.) In fact, many of us would have never even joined this club on our own, but now that we are a part of it, we are so happy (most days anyway) to be a member of this most blessed organization! We just "get" each other and we can spot a "winner" a mile away!


"Understanding is a wellspring of life to him who has it. But the correction of fools if folly." Proverbs 16:22