Inexpensive therapy..........

This is what I've decided blogging is. An inexpensive and easy access way of getting counseling. That is what my last post was about.....getting it all out and getting support. Sorry to say, but that is what this post's purpose is all about as well.

Last night after I dropped our older boys off at church for Cadets, out of the blue, I thought of other things that Gavin had to go through during the time before his stroke. I was driving to the store to get some groceries and I had to go home instead, because I was sobbing harder than I have in a long time.

I remembered that during the two days leading up to Gavin's stroke he also had a VERY high fever. It was running between 104 and 106.5 degrees! (Maybe another sign of dehydration???!!....thinking back I seriously wonder about the intelligence of the many doctors and nurses involved in his care at that time!) At the time, doctors were contributing Gavin's symptoms to his having C-Diff and going through withdrawls from the high doses of narcotics that he had been on for months. While some of his symptoms can be attributed to these things, many more should have been a big red flag to them, that much more was going on with him!

I want to say that I don't blame myself for what happened to Gavin. I just wish that I had fought harder to get the doctors to listen to my concerns. I really did all that I could. I told many doctors and nurses that I thought that he was dehydrated, they just didn't believe me. My only fault in any of this was trusting them. I figured that the doctors had to know more than I did. Obviously, in this case, they did not!

Anyway lastnight, thinking back to those couple of days before his stroke and remembering the high fever he had made me want to throw-up! The image that was in my head was of my sweet, precious baby having to lay there burning up, in pain, trying to tell us that something was wrong, not sleeping, continually shaking and on top of all of this.....they had him laying on ice packs and covered with ice packs! This is what I suddenly remembered lastnight. This is what made me break down again.

A mother is supposed to comfort her child and just imagine having to struggle like that while laying on ice!!! This thought and image is so horrible to me! It breaks my heart to think of him cold and suffering! The tears are still flowing this morning. I just pray that he doesn't remember any of that time and I pray that God had him wrapped in comfort during this time of suffering! Because it's almost too much for my mothering mind to think about! I would have taken away all of his pain if I could and I would erase his having to go through all of this if I could, but I can't.

Instead of getting groceries lastnight, I came home and looked at pictures of Gavin at the age he was when all of this happened. I also read some of my blog posts from that time. Here are a couple of picture of Gavin a few days before all of this happened.





Gavin used to always have his hands and fists up by his face. He would be sucking on them or holding them in front of his eyes staring at them. It was so cute to me! Especially watching him stare at them. It was like he had his own toys and entertainment. After the stroke he no longer did this. Several months after the stroke we found out why he no longer did this. It was because the stroke caused him to be legally blind. He is still considered legally blind today, but they believe the blindness stems from brain cell damage, not his eyes. Hopefully with therapy, his brain will relearn to tell his eyes what they are seeing.

Here are some words that I wrote on my blog just before he had his stroke:

Where do I start?! Gavin has had a rough 24 hours! He, nor I, have gotten much sleep. He had a couple of tests yesterday, which came back normal, but now they are again puzzled by what's going on with him. He was quite fussy yesterday and ended up running a 106.5 fever during the night! He was so agitated and just couldn't sleep. It was horrible for me to watch again.

He is also very dehydrated. He has been on a dieuretic 3 times a week, but when we got to this hospital they switched it to 2 times a day! They did this even though I told them that I thought it was too much. So, now he's dehydrated, like I thought he would be. They are going to put him back on his original dose and schedule. Hopefully this helps. Please pray that Gavin comes back around to his smiley self and starts to feel better soon!

Here is a picture of Gavin the days after the stroke, back on the vent and needing lots of medical intervention and some more words that I wrote just after his stroke.


Gavin needs lots of prayers right now! They are in the process of putting the ventilator back in! His breathing became very labored a few hours ago and his fevers are still very high.



The following paragraphs were also written on my blog following his stroke. This will just give you some idea of how he was doing and how I was feeling at that time.

Gavin is hanging in there. He is hooked up to tons of machines again and kept sedated most of the time. This is sooo hard to see after seeing him so well last week! His kidneys and bowels started giving out, but seem to be coming back again. His blood pressues have been quite low and he's been getting lots of support for this, plus lots of blood and platelet replacement.

Yesterday I reached an all time low since this all began. I can't see him suffering anymore! I have always concentrated my prayers on healing him, but yesterday I just kept praying that God would take him so that he wouldn't have to fight and suffer anymore! It is breaking my heart! I'm sobbing as I type this, it is just getting to be more than I can take! Please pray that God takes away Gavin's suffering; whether that means healing him and making his life worthwhile or calling him home to be with Him. Because right now Gavin's life is horrible! Our family life is stressful too! We are constantly running from work, hospital or kids. Our boys' lives are chaotic too. Pray that they feel cared for and loved too!


I am so angry about what has happened with Gavin this week! This shouldn't have happened! I feel it is so important that health care workers take the time to HEAR the patients and their families and not miss something because they weren't listening! There are a few simple things that could be changed to ensure this. Like, having more continuity of care. When so many doctors are seeing patients each week it is so easy for them to miss something because they can't compare the patient today with how they looked yesterday. Plus, they send out evaluations after the hospital stay is over to see how the patient feels their stay went, Why not do this during the stay too? This way problems could be fixed during the time the patient needs treatment, instead of when it's too late for that patient. They could ask questions, such as: Do you feel anything is being missed with your care? Are you being listened to? Are we as health care professionals communicating well with you? I feel this would leave a smaller chance for error to occur. No doctor can read a patient's whole chart everytime they see a patient and they are human too. So, keeping the patient and their family involved and getting their impute would help make sure that the doctor knows the patient's history and help prevent errors. Sorry for rambling! I guess I'm passionate about this topic right now!


Today my anger is fading. I'm glad about this. Yesterday I felt so uneasy all day with all that anger brewing in me! Today brings a feeling of defeat. I just feel depressed and anxious. There are so many uncertainties with Gavin's future. As if there weren't enough to begin with! Now we are uncertain about his brain function due to the seizures that he continues to have. They feel his brain is "irritable" due to the fevers, DEHYDRATION! and infection. The EEG showed low brain waves, which is not good, but they aren't sure if the results were skewed due to many factors. Those factors being: A lot of sedation from the anti-seizure medicine, being on the vent, having a pacemaker and a lot of electrical activity in the room with all the machines he is needing. So, add possible brain damage to all his other issues! I'm just ready to go to sleep for a week and to wake up finding this all to be a bad dream! It's hard to have hope when there are so many uncertainties! I'm still grasping for it though! I know that anything is possible with God and that miracles are still possible. Knowing this and having all the support we have from so many are the only things keeping us going. Which is A LOT! I just have to keep reminding myself this!

Please continue to pray for Gavin! Pray that his seizures will stop and that he will come back to us as he was, or pray that God calls him home to be with Him where Gavin's suffering will be no more! Pray that our family continues to look to God for all that we need and that we not be consumed with worry, knowing that God is in charge! Pray for wisdom for the health professionals! Pray for our extended family, knowing that they are suffering with this too!





Obviously, Gavin got better and eventually was able to go home again. If fact, Gavin was released from the hospital on Mother's day weekend, after having spent over 4 1/2 months in the hospital. To this day, it's the best Mother's Day gift I've ever been given!

Here are more words that I wrote on my blog during that time and a picture of Gavin the day before he left the hospital:


Happy Mother's Day to me!
Gavin is going home tomorrow!!!





Here is what I wrote on my blog the day after he came home and a picture of him home again:

Home Sweet Home!
GAVIN IS HOME!!! He is doing great and we are so glad to have him here! While driving home with him, I felt such relief and happiness! I thought that I would be worried, but so far I'm not. Another blessing from God! We are so very thankful!



What a sweetheart! Don't you think?!


Lastnight I asked Joel if I would ever be able to totally get past these times where I reminisce those days and have breakdowns like I do a couple of times each year. He said that maybe it's part of the grieving process. I suppose that it is, but it sucks! I feel guilty saying that I am grieving over this, because I still have Gavin and other moms are not as fortunate, but it has been a loss to me. I grieve for the baby that he was before the stroke and I grieve for the boy that he could have become, had these mistakes not been made and had the stroke never have occured. Plus, I grieve for the things that he had to suffer through!

I don't know if I will ever be able to get past all of this, but I am thankful that I still have Gavin! And, I'm thankful for the prospect of Gavin's and my life in heaven most of all! He's gone through so much and still does, but all of this will definitely be a faded memory when we are rejoicing in heaven one day!

I was reading the Bible to the boys after dinner lastnight. We read the last two books of Revelation. I don't get very excited about much these days, but reading these words sure did lift my spirits! I can't wait for this glorious day where there will be no more suffering, no more pain and no more heartache!

Sometimes I think we just go through life trying to enjoy what is here and only focusing on the present. What we should really be doing is focusing on the future! I need to do this more often! Because I have the knowledge of God and believe the truths that He has given us in the Bible, I know that my future will be SO WORTH all the suffering that we go through on earth! In fact, I believe that sometimes suffering is brought to us so that we will focus on the future! If things were always going so well, I know that I wouldn't look to God as often as I do. And, because I am so stubborn and selfish, God has had to show me which way I should be looking by bringing suffering into my life! It sure does sting, but I truly know that there is a reason and a purpose and a huge reward at the end of all of it! I can't wait for this glorious day!


"And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give every one according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last." Revelation 22:12-13

One mistake or moment can change the rest of your life forever!

This picture was taken of Gavin shortly before he suffered his stroke. He was about 7 months old. Wasn't he cute?!



He was doing quite well in this picture. He was still in the hospital, after having been for almost 4 months. He had gone through 3 surgeries and almost 2 1/2 months of being intubated and on a ventilator. He was finally making great improvement and was working hard on getting to come home again.

He was then transfered to another hospital, that was closer to our home. This is where mistakes were made and Gavin suffered his brain injury. One mistake and a matter of a couple of days changed his and our life forever.

About a month ago I totally broke down thinking about this time in Gavin's life. I do this a couple of times a year. Usually I'm in the shower, alone with my thoughts and the dam breaks loose. This time I was reading an article in the October 2009 Good Housekeeping magazine. There was a story in it called, Life after Josie, which was about a toddler who got burned in the bath tub and ended up in the hospital with 1st and 2nd degree burns. Her parents were told that she was going to be fine, but that they needed to keep her hydrated and watch for infection. She was still hospitalized while she healed from her burns. She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, healing and getting narcotics for the pain. She was doing great and they were planning on sending her home again soon.

This is when things went down hill fast! While reading this story, this is where I lost it and started sobbing. I couldn't believe how similiar our very different stories started to become! This is where I could put myself in this mother's shoes and ached for what she had to go through.

Her daughter started to act thirsty all of the time. She would cry for something to drink, but was told that she could only have ice chips. She would suck on her washcloth during bath time. She was getting dehydrated! Her mother asked for IV fluids to be given to her daughter, but she was told that her daughter was just fine. She was NOT fine!

The next day she became unresponsive and her mom was very worried. The mother was told that she was fine and that it probably had to do with weaning from the narcotics. So, the doctor discontinued the narcotics. Later that day, the order to not give narcotics anymore was changed, and a nurse gave her methadone. Minutes later Josie went into cardiac arrest. She went from almost going home, to on a breathing tube and tons of machines! The doctors thought she had an infection, but her mother knew that it was because her daughter was dehydrated and given the narcotics. This proved to be the case!

Josie's organs began to shut down and she was pronounced brain dead. Josie died from this mistake! They later learned that Josie did die from dehydration.

Reading this story made me so sad for this mother! It also made me wonder why Gavin is still alive today?

Gavin's story started out very differently. He was born with a heart defect and this is how his hospitalization began. Josie suffered burns and she died from complications that arose from mistakes that were made!

Although their stories started out very differently, the ending was almost the same! Gavin almost died from the very same thing! Gavin was so much more sick than this little girl to begin with and yet very similiar mistakes were made, and Josie died and Gavin lived. WHY???

When I think back to those horrendous few days in the hospital, I almost get physically sick! It's like a bad movie playing in my head. Gavin went through SO much, things that could have been prevented! I remember having to watch Gavin suck frantically on his fists trying to get some fluid from them. I remember watching him shake and shake and shake! I remember him continually fussing and trying to tell us that something was wrong! I remember him and I being awake for a couple of days straight and then he finally fell asleep. In the end, this sleep was not a good thing, it was because he had suffered his stroke!

The thing is, I KNEW that something was wrong before this! I told doctors and nurses that something was wrong! I told them that I thought that he was dehydrated and that he needed IV fluids! The doctors kept telling me that they wanted him to be dehydrated, because his lungs needed to get clear. I told them that I understood that, but "What about the rest of his body?!"

Of course, I was just his mom! The doctors did not take into account the fact that Gavin had C-Diff and was constantly having bouts of diarrhea. They didn't take into account the VERY HIGH doses of dieuretics that he was getting. They didn't take into account the fact that Gavin's mom might actually know her son better than all of them put together! The doctors did finally give Gavin an IV, but it was too late!

Gavin suffered his brain injury and it's all because he was dehydrated! Gavin ended up back on the ventilator and on tons of machimes. Gavin's organs even began to shut down. His kidneys and liver weren't working properly and he was a mess! Shortly after this is when Gavin began having seizures as well!

I thought that he was going to die. Doctors and nurses thought that he was going to die. I knew that it was from dehydration, but no one wanted to commit to this reality.

In Josie's story, she died and doctor's told her parents that "this shouldn't have happened and if we had listened to you, her mother, she would be alive today." This is what the mother had been waiting to hear. The hospital offered this family a settlement for their loss. The family didn't want this money, but they took it and started a foundation with the money. They wanted their daughter's death to have good come from it.

Obviously, Gavin did not die from the mistake that was made. But, his life and our family's life has changed forever because of this mistake! Gavin could be sitting up, crawling and even walking today if things had been done differently. This is a hard pill to swallow everyday!

The Josie King Foundation created ways for hospitals to not make similiar mistakes, mistakes that took their daughter's life. They started something called, "a rapid-response team." This is a team of doctors and nurses that are on call to come investigate a patient's condition. This team can be called by a family member, who may think that something is not right with their family member or they can be called by a nurse who is concerned with the condition of one of their patients. The number is given to the patient or family when they are admitted into the hospital. This team will come and check the patient thoroughly and make sure that things are not being missed.

Man! I wish that the hospital that Gavin was in had had this team on board for me and him! I surely would have called this number and insisted that his care be investigated further!

This type of thing could have saved Josie's life and it could have prevented Gavin's stroke! I have been told that the "ball was dropped in Gavin's care" and that things should have been done differently. This doesn't change the fact that Gavin will always be like an infant. And, it sure does leave this Momma feeling guilty every day of her life, thinking that things could have be very different today if I had just fought harder for my son!

After reading this article and crying, I got on the phone with our hospital and talked with the patient relations department. I asked if this type of response team was a part of their hospital today. I was told that it was recently added to their team. While this made me happy to hear, it also made me wish that it had been done sooner for Gavin and others like him! There are statistics that say that between "44,000 and 98,000 people die each year from medical errors." The article said that it is "one of our country's top killers and that 70 percent of all unexplained medical events resulting in death or serious injury occur because of a breakdown in communication, as in Josie's case" and as in Gavin's case.

I have to live with this mistake forever. I wonder why Gavin is still alive today and Josie is not? I feel the need to make good come from this mistake. So, please inquire with the hospitals in your area, about whether or not "rapid-response teams" are set up in your hospital! This could make all the difference for you or someone that you love!

Gavin is here today for some reason and I am so thankful that he is! His life may be very different than it could have been, but it's still a full life and he brings so much fullness to others that are blessed to know him! God has a plan for Gavin and a plan for all of us! Be ready to fulfill God's plan for you each and every day! And, be thankful for the abilities that He has given to you!





"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galations 6:2

Parades, Pumpkins and Football Players! Oh My!

This week has brought about lots of fun Autumn activities. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Gavin's school had a costume parade. I was told to dress Gavin up for this activity, but I was told 3 weeks ago and since Gavin was out sick for about a 1 1/2 weeks, I forgot about the parade. Luckily, I happened to put Gavin in his Superman t-shirt that day, so it looked like I had dressed him up a little bit anyway!

This is what Gavin thought about the parade idea at first!



Then he decided to give it a try.



Here is part of Gavin's class lined up for the parade.



Here he is with his class and teacher.



Here he is being pushed down the hall as part of the parade. They sang songs and played instruments.



Gavin's teacher made these hats for the children to wear. Gavin kept looking up at his wondering, "What in the world is on my head?!"



Gavin's class and a couple of his VERY PATIENT helpers! I told them that they had the patience of a saint, after watching them take care of the children during the parade!



I think that Gavin actually ended up enjoying himself!



Here is Gavin watching his brothers carve a pumpkin. He had the directions and was trying to tell them what to do. Of course, his brothers don't listen very well, so they just did their own thing!




Here are the brothers hard at work on the pumpkin.



We roasted the pumpkin seeds too!



Here is our finished project. We only did one pumpkin...this was enough mess for this Momma!



Here is Gavin dressed up as a football player.



"What have they put on my head again?!!"





"O.K., that's enough pictures Mom!"



Here is big brother Caleb dressed up as a football player as well!



He really likes to get into the part!



My 2 little quarterbacks!



Lots of fun and craziness at our house as usual!

Have a great weekend!!!


"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

Lots of Good Too!

Although everything I said in my last post is true, there are still a lot of positives that the guys in my life bring to my life. Because I'm only human, as are they, sometimes only their negative attributes are in the forefront of my mind. Lately, we have been extra busy, I've been extra stressed and they have been showing more of their negative sides towards me, so I needed to vent and get some much needed support!

While I still feel overwhelmed with my responsibilities as a wife and mother and long for some serious changes to be made, I am also able to look on the bright side of my situation. So, today I am going to share some things about the guys in my life, that I am very thankful for!

Joel is a godly man. He works VERY hard and he keeps our family comfortable financially. He has a great sense of humor, when he feels like sharing it. And, he is a great partner, when he decides to be "on". He is a very knowledgeable person and he offers many teaching opportunities for our family. I am very blessed to have him as my husband, even if he does drive me nuts a lot of the time. LOVE YOU DEAR! :)

Sidenote: Yes, my husband does read my blog and yes, he's o.k. with me venting on here. He has said that he knows he's not a good listener and not very supportive, so this blog is probably a good thing for both of us!




Jacob is a wonderful 1st son! He has a heart of gold and is such a great big brother to Gavin! He may not like school, but he is a very smart guy! He has a terrific sense of humor and he makes me laugh lots! He is also a big helper to me with Gavin and he loves him VERY MUCH!!! He treats his other brothers better than most big brothers probably would. He has a great knowledge of the Bible and this makes me proud! Love you Jacob!



Nolan is a sensitive guy, who gives me the best smiles! He is very smart and a hard worker. He is usually the first one to come running if he hears Gavin gagging and he loves to sing songs with him too. He is wonderful about teaching things to his brother Caleb and he often plays things that he wouldn't normally play, just for the sake of his brother. Nolan also has a great love for God and is a wonderful role model. Love you Nolan!



Caleb is a character! He either has me cracking up or he has my blood boiling over at all times! He has more energy than anyone I've ever met! He is a little lover of his Momma and is always giving me hugs and kisses! He even says that he wishes that he could marry me some day! He is very sweet and likes to draw lots of pictures for his family members. He is also very smart and always has a comeback for everything you say to him! He's small, but he's huge in spirit. He loves Bible stories and he likes to carry his little Bible around. He's even said that he wants to become a pastor one day, "That way I can talk in church!" Love you Caleb!



Gavin is such a gift to me and his family! He may be lots of work, but he pays us back in tenfold with just being here! He is so sweet and good natured! His smile is the sweetest thing that I've ever seen and it brightens my mood in an instant! He makes me appreciate the little things in life and he makes me fight harder than I ever would have before he came into my life! He's my buddy and I can't imagine life without him! Love you Gavin!

So, my life is crazy, but it sure is full! It takes lots of work, faith and emotional strength to be the wife and mother to this bunch.....but I wouldn't change having all of them in my life for anything! I just thought that you should know this! But, please continue to pray for me as I try to lasso this wild bunch! :)


"Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory." Ephesians 3:13

Be Forewarned: Vent Session In Progress!

I feel tired. I feel defeated. I feel lonely. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like running away from it all!!!

Now that you know how I feel, I'll tell you why. Being a mother and a wife is a VERY DIFFICULT JOB! Especially when you live with the bunch that I live with! I feel like a glass of water, that has 5 straws in it, and they are sucking me dry! I'm not a person with a whole lot of energy anyway. In fact, I'm quite sure that I never had to be told to go to bed as a child. I've always needed my sleep. So, add this trait to the fact that my children and husband are FULL of ENERGY and FULL of STUBBORNESS....well, I'm just worn out!

After all, I'm only one person....Gasp!....Really I am! This is difficult for me to admit, but it is so true! I can't please everyone and I really need to stop trying! Lately, I feel drawn in so many directions and I really feel the guilt trips setting in. Do you know how often I actually do something for myself? Hmmm....well, I use the bathroom and I occasionally get a shower in. Of course, someone always seems to barge in or come knocking on the door when this rarity occurs. I have no hobbies or outlets. I RARELY get out, except to shop for the family or transport children to and from school. The rest of my family seems to have no problem doing extracurricular activities. Let's see....there is soccer, softball, hunting and hunting trips, cadets, football games, target practice, etc.....and yet, I'm always put on the backburner. I'm O.K. with this most of the time, but sometimes it starts to wear on me!

I have put my family first and I believe that this is what I should be doing, but some perks would be nice too! I told Joel that he may have to get up eary and go to work and support our family, but at least he gets perks at his job! People thank him for helping them. They bring him gifts. He gets a paycheck. He even gets to play catch and football on the job! I know that I get perks too, but they sure are few and far between. Plus, most of the time I hear, "What did you do all day long?, "Why can't you make us better meals?".....and the list goes on! And, just so you know, I feel that I make great meals. Yes, we have hamburgers, spaghetti and hotdogs more than I'd like to admit, but I also make Tilapia, steak, orange chicken, shrimp, and crab legs for crying out loud! And, no my home is not the cleanest and most organized home around. Unfortunately, It's far from it, but I do have more important matters to deal with. Like for example; making up many meds, doing nebulizer treatments, doing strengthening exercises with Gavin, playing with Gavin(since he can't even do this alone.), helping with homework, scheduling and going to doctor's appointments, remembering to order new supplies and medications, giving my other children some attention, driving people everywhere they need to go, and getting some much needed sleep every once in a while too! Oh...and again, I'm only one person!

Back to being a glass of water sucked dry; the guys in my life seriously have an abundance of energy! I feel like I'm in the middle of a tornado most days. My voice is almost never heard. I repeat myself constantly and no one seems to listen. The guys in my life are so kind to others outside our home, but once they are with me.....everything changes. I guess I'm the safe dumping ground and the permanent fixture that gets taken for granted. No one takes time to talk with me. All I hear are complaints and arguing. I'm rarely given friendship or support. My needs just don't matter! Like I said, most days I'm O.K. with this, because my main goal in life was to become a wife and a mother and I do not take the fact that I am married and have 4 wonderful boys for granted! I am SO BLESSED! But, I have needs too!

I invest a ton of time in caring for my family. They are a tough bunch to crack and this is an emotional task most days. But, I never give up and I never will! The other day I told Joel that when I finally lose it and walk out the door for a week to find myself again, this household will get a huge wake-up call! This fairly well-oiled ship, our household, that keeps on sailing even when bumps come along, will definitely be hitting an iceberg and start to sink fast once the driver of the ship stops steering! Of course, I will never just leave, because each morning I buck up and take my responsibilities seriously! But, it sure would be nice to get away for awhile!

I truly LOVE my family and I truly LOVE to be with them, but ALL Mommas need a break, some appreciation, some love, some friendship and some time alone.

Our boys have such great qualities, but they are also very headstrong. It takes a dedicated person to keep them in line and heading in the right direction. I often feel so alone in this daunting task! I realize that I should be looking to God for my needs to be met. I realize that with Him I am never really alone, but some days it sure does feel like I am!

Oh, and add a child that has special needs to this mix! Did I mention how tired I am? I recently read a shirt that said, "I am the mother of a special needs child. What's your superpower?" I laughed when I read this, but it sure does take a lot more strength to get through your days when you are caring for a child that needs so much! Especially when you add this child to the bunch that I already have!

The truth is, life with a special needs child can be VERY difficult, but it is also very rewarding as well! I was at the mall with Gavin this past week. A lady came up and asked if Gavin was my first child. I told her that he was my fourth and that I had 4 boys. She said, well it doesn't really matter if you get girls or boys, as long as they are healthy. So, I said, "Well, actually he has not been very healthy in his life and he has spent lots of time in the hospital." I told her that he was born with Down syndrome and she said, "Wow, I give you lots of credit." I thought about it a minute and then I told her that I didn't deserve any credit, but if I did then it would be for dealing with my other 3 boys, not Gavin! She just laughed, but it's true! I told her what a blessing Gavin has been. Caring for him is definitely more physically difficult. My neck, back and shoulders hurt most of the time. His not being able to sit up on his own is SO TRYING to my body! If you happen to have a child with special needs and they can at least sit up on their own, thank God for this great blessing! I have to carry him everywhere and just holding him takes so much support. Caring for him can be emotionally trying as well, especially when he is sick and in the hospital, but the other guys in my life are actually more emotionally trying than Gavin ever is!

In fact, Gavin calms my nerves and lowers my blood pressure more than anything else on this earth! If I'm feeling overwhelmed or stressed, all I have to do is pick him up and I feel better, emotionally anyway. He brings such peace to my life. He makes me see how blessed I am to have all of my abilities and he brings such a sense of innocence to my life.

Life is hard for ALL of us! And, I know that I could have it a WHOLE LOT worse, but sometimes I just need to get it all out, so that I can continue to forge through this life of mine! Thanks for being a sounding board.....as if you had a choice! I am so thankful for my blogging friends and the support that I am given through them! So, thank you to the many that do provide me with friendship and love. What would I do without you?!

Say some prayers for me.....or maybe you should pray for my family instead, just in case I do walk out the door someday to catch a break! :)

Any of you feel the need to vent? I am a terrific listener! Purge all your worries in a comment below. I promise to listen and I will understand! HUGS!!!


"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait I say on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14