Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I have been very weary today. I am so sad continually watching Gavin suffer! In my last update I told you that Gavin wasn't gagging as much, but the last couple of days it's as bad as ever! He still continues to have seizures as well! He is on 3 medications to stop them, but it's obviously not working! Tomorrow he has a neurologist appointment. I pray they have a new plan that will work this time! It really gets to me some days! Today is one of those days! On days like this I have a difficult time understanding God's purpose for Gavin and our family. As a christian I know that God has a purpose in all of this, but as a human being, with emotions, it's hard to accept it. Why Gavin? Why us? Some people seem to have the 'perfect' life, while Gavin has to go through sooo much and I have to watch him go through it all! It feels like I'm sufficating some days! I just want to walk away from it all because I don't want to witness his suffering anymore! I guess this is similar to how God felt watching Jesus suffer for our sins. There was a purpose for Christ's suffering and I know that there is a purpose for our suffering as well. Today I was praying to God that Jesus would return soon, so that this suffering would end. The amazing thing is that right after praying this I opened up a book that we were given by a friend from church. Guess what I read?! "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth...There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain...He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Revelation 21:1, 4-5" Boy did I need to hear this today!!! This made me cry harder, but I was crying with thankfulness! I find myself sinking so often, but God always gives me what I stand in need of for the moment! Sometimes I read something. Sometimes someone calls with a kind word. Sometimes we receive something in the mail that brightens our day. I'm so thankful for this much needed comfort! I believe that God uses each of us and sometimes even a book to do his work. Thankyou for letting God use so many of you to help our family get through our difficult days! I am thankful for God and I'm thankful for you!

Love, Alicia and Family


Annette Selden said...

Oh, Alicia, it's so hard when you're in the midst of it all. So many times I've had these same thoughts--Why do they get to have a perfect life when we suffer so much? What is the point to this? Why can't something good happen?

And then, like you've experienced, someone will say something, or you'll read something, and you'll remember that "His mercies are new every morning," and realize that God will continue to give you whatever you need to make it through another day.

Can you find a way to do something that would be fun or relaxing to you? It certainly doesn't make it all go away, but I found that it would help when everything is so intense.

I'll be so happy for you when you can get to the other side of this, whenever that may be. You'll get there in God's time, and then you and I will have to get together and look back on it all. And maybe it will be when Jesus comes back, which seems like a very good thing.

We love you and pray for you,

Feeny said...

Hey Alicia, wish I could do more to help cheer you up. If there is anything I can do or that you need please feel free to call. Keep in mind that God sees Gavin as a beautiful child made in his image and that he is perfect, in his eyes. It's just unfortunate that you have to deal with his imperfect health. I guess I cant really understand what your going through but I know that in some way, in his way, it's already worked out. Does putting on "fun"or "happy" music cheer you up? You guys are in our thoughts.