Friday, January 18, 2008

The many faces.....and names of Gavin

Could Someone Please Tell Me What My Name Is?!













I have a feeling that Gavin is quite confused. Not only does he live with a family that, most days, is crazy and sounds like a school playground (You know I'm telling the truth if you've ever been over to visit! Jacob, Nolan and Caleb have loud voices and LOTS of energy!) Anyway, he is also called by MANY names! Jacob and I sat down the other day to write down all the nick-names that have been given to Gavin. Here is the list: Vinster, Vin, Mister, Mitter, Mitter Moo, Munchkin, Pip Squeak, Little Fella, Bubba, Bubby, Buddy, Little Buddy, Bugga, Bugga Boo, Little guy, The G Man and Snuggle Bug! Whew!!! Now you know why he may be just a little confused! He must think we have a lot of people living here! I guess it just means he's really loved!
Last week Gavin had a TERRIFIC week! He was so alert and active. He was also 'talking' to us tons! I was so thankful and happy about this! This week, unfortunately, he's been very sleepy and hardly 'talking' at all. He's also having more seizures than normal. I called the neurologist's office and they increased one of his meds. They are keeping him on the lower dose of Phenobarb though, thankfully! Hopefully the dose change helps and he will become more alive again. It's really hard on me when he does well with something and then has a step back again. I become so hopeful...and then it feels like a punch to the gut! Since Gavin has been born, I find myself worrying a lot more in some ways. In other ways I worry less. I feel like I'm in a constant state of worry. I always have a sick feeling in my stomach. I can be feeling so happy, but there is always a nagging feeling inside me. Sometimes I stop and think, "Why are you feeling like this?" and then I remember, "Oh Yeah, I'm worried about Gavin's seizures, etc." I hate having this 'cloud' constantly hanging over me! I don't think I've felt totally carefree since the day he was born. You know how you get that absolute feeling of joy when you hear a certain song, smell the Spring air, or whatever it might be for you? Well, I still have those feelings, but it's always smothered by my worries for Gavin. I pray about this often! The closest I've come to being able to sigh and take a deep breath is when I pray or read the Bible. Sometimes I don't even feel the tension, but then I read something or pray and I feel so much lighter! It amazes me every time! When I said that I worry less than before it's because I have truely found the knowledge that I'm not the one in control and even my worst fear (That being, the fear of having a child who is very ill), can be conquered by God's grace! It's difficult, but not impossibe as I thought it would be before I had Gavin. So, would I go back and change having Gavin? Not on your life! I'm greatful for this knowledge and all that I've learned! I read in a devotional today, "I will smile, knowing that the weight of the world is not on my shoulders; it's on God's." In this book I have a note as my bookmark. It was given to us by friends from church. All it reads is "You are not alone." I feel such peace every time I read this! I'm not alone! God is here. Always. This is what I've most learned from having Gavin in our lives. What a blessing this feeling and Gavin are!
On a side note, I want to thank so many of you who sent me birthday greetings by way of: cards, phone messages and even flowers! How thoughtful of you! Not only am I not alone with God's love, but he has blessed me with so many like you! Thankyou!
Love, Alicia and Family

2 comments:

Annette Selden said...

Glad to hear that Gavin had a good week! I think everyone was having kind of an "off week" this week, feeling the January blahs. So maybe Gavin was just feeling the way the rest of us were this week :).

Looking forward to hearing more reports of Gavin's progress. We continue to pray that God will give you the strength and peace to meet this task that He's called you to.

Love,
Annette

Antje Heckel said...

"I will smile, knowing that the weight of the world is not on my shoulders; it's on God's."

You don't even know how that hits home for me right now. I have been struggeling with the suffering in this world as well as the seemingly unfairness that I see and sometimes I try to fix this world myself and get utterly burdened out. So thank you for that beautiful reminder to set my trust in Him and allowing myself to let go of some of those burdening thoughts.

With warm regards

Antje,
and the rest of the Heckel family!