Somedays having a child with special needs can be overwhelming. I'm thankful to say that today is not one of these days, but there are days when I feel like I'm walking this road all alone and everything seems so uncertain. At these times I feel almost sufficated by my fears. I fear the future. I fear when the next seizure may come on. I fear when the next hospitalization may occur. I fear that Gavin's leaking heart may, all of a sudden, not be able to keep up with all that his body demands. I fear what we will have to do when we are no longer able to pick him up and carry him around. I fear. I HATE days like these! I hate that I let my mind go wandering and that I let it bring me down.
Last week we were reading from Hebrews 11, at dinner time. I gained a whole lot of perspective from this chapter in the Bible. It talks about how, by faith we understand. This life's road for many is complicated and it's so hard to understand sometimes! By reading these verses it helped me to realize that we aren't really supposed to understand. We are to just have faith in God's word, love and plan for us all. That's all.....no fear.....no questions asked.....no thinking that we can control our situation......Just have faith in HIM!
In Hebrews 11 it talks of those who kept their faith in God, even when they didn't understand why or want to do what was asked of them. These men of God just had faith in Him! "By faith, Noah, being warned of things not yet seen, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark for the saving of his household." (11:7) "By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance." (11:8) "By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised." (11:11) "By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who received the promises offered up his only begotten son." (11:17) "By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king's command." (11:23) "By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharoh's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward." (11:24-26) And, the list goes on.....
These stories are in the Bible for us to learn from and to gain comfort from. Like I said, some days are hard! I learn of so many children and families suffering from uncertainty, illness, death.....it just doesn't make sense with our limited brain's capacity! But, when I look at it through the eyes of God and His message to me through the Bible, it ALL makes sense! I am so thankful for this clarity, as it's the only way to truly get past suffering and be able to continue the road God has set out before us! "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (Hebrews 12:1)
I was also reminded of the awesomeness of having faith in God, when Jacob quoted to us that same night at dinner; "that if we had just an ounce of faith or as much faith as a mustard seed, we could move a mountain!" He was talking of what Jesus said to the disciples in Matthew 17:20. Imagine that kind of faith?! The point of all of this is that we should put our faith and trust only in the Lord above and He will take care of the rest!
We sang the following song last week in church and, it too, gave me comfort. I pray that it may comfort you as well!
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?
In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.
Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
Even down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1