Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Feeling Sad.....

Gavin had a rough afternoon yesterday when I took him in for his ENT appointment. The doctor seemed quite perplexed over what the growth might be. He thought that it could just be "injury" and inflammation to the tissue under Gavin's tongue, caused by Gavin's teeth rubbing on it. This would be called granuloma. Gavin does grind his teeth occassionally, so this might be possible. Although, it seems hard for me to grasp how he could have created such a large growth, in such a short period of time, in such a hard area to reach with his teeth. The doctor could not really understand this either. The doctor also could not rule out the possibility that this growth could be a tumor. This is where the sadness comes in.

The doctor decided to go ahead and remove part of the growth right then and there, so that it could be sent in for a biopsy. This meant that I had to hold Gavin down while he gave him a shot under the tongue to numb the area. Then after calming him down, I had to hold him down again while the doctor cut out 2 pieces of the growth to be tested. I felt so bad for the little guy! He was just happy as can be before all of this took place and then we come and do this to him!

Next, I had to take him for a blood draw! Which meant that I had to hold him down again, while someone else ruined his day! The sad thing is, Gavin is such a content little guy most of the time. He just hangs out, "talking" and smiling, and even after all of this he forgave us and started to talk and smile soon after. It breaks my heart to see him suffer through so much in his short life! Last night I just woke up crying in the middle of the night, thinking of the pain that he has had to endure and will have to endure! It's hard enough to be a mom and watch your child get hurt or be sick, but with a child like Gavin, it happens way too often! When I think of all that he has been through, it's sufficating. I just wish that I could take it all away from him.

Whether this growth turns out to be cancerous or not, it will need to be removed. This means that he will have ANOTHER surgery and ANOTHER hospitalization. If it is cancerous, then there would be more treatments. If it's not cancerous, then it could just grow back again if he continues to "injure" the area! What then? Another surgery?! The doctor said that the surgery isn't an easy one because of where the growth is and that it must be done carefully.

Gavin has had 5 surgeries, so far, in his 2 years of life. His future will most likely be littered with more surgeries, due to his having a pacemaker and a leaky Mitral valve. He's a sweet little man, who has to go through so much pain! Today I'm sad and thinking of how unfair it is! I love him so much and don't want to see him suffer anymore! I know that we all suffer, but to see it happen with such an innocent person.....It's just hard!

I know that God has a great purpose in Gavin! I know that he has touched my life so much and I know that he was put here on Earth for a reason, but today I'm struggling with why he has to go through so much! Please pray for Gavin and pray for my peace of mind. Pray for God's will to be done in Gavin's life and pray that whatever His will is, that we can faithfully accept it.

The tests should come back by Friday. I'll let you know how they turned out. Thanks for your prayers!


"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

9 comments:

Cammie Heflin said...

I can so hear you! Addy is 25 months old and has had eleven surgeries. We are very hopeful that their won't be anymore but I guess we never know. I pray that Gavin's growth is benign and can be taken care of easily. Bless your heart, I wish you peace. God chose You to parent Gavin for a reason, so know that you are always doing the right thing for him!

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Peace......
Im thinking of you.

Cindy said...

OUCH! I don't care what anyone says- even the needle for the numbing med had to HURT! Poor kid-it is hard to watch children suffer. It pains me to see it, and to hear it. Suffering should be for the old, not children. I'll be praying that the growth is NOT cancerous, and waiting for your update on Friday.

Cindy (T.J.'s mom)

Anonymous said...

We will continue praying for you and Gavin!

Gail and Dave Boer

Kimberly Hass said...

Alicia,

I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it must be to watch Gavin suffer as he has in his short life so far. Please know that we are all praying for you, Joel & the boys. You are always in our thoughts.

Love,
Kimberly

Annette Gysen said...

I wish there were a sign-up sheet for taking Gavin's place for awhile. You'd probably have many, many names. Poor Baby and poor Mommy! I'll be praying that there will be a clear, easy, painless solution to this new development.

Princess Abigail said...

What you are both going through is really tuff. Kids are more resilient than we think. But for us Mum's it can be so heartbreaking to see our children suffer.

I'm right there with you honey, and am sending as many positive vibes as I can conjure up to help you. Try catching them!

Abigail sends an extra special French snog to her mate Gavin.

Inspired said...

Oh honey I'm so sorry Gavin has to go through this and how heartbreaking it is for you watch. We'll pray for the best and peace to your heart.

Love,
Julie

Tamara said...

Oh alicia, hows it going now? Did you get the results??? Please call me if you need to chat! E-mail me if you need my number. I am sorry that he had to endure this. My heart breaks for you! Know you are in my thoughts! Miss ya, Tam