Friday, March 27, 2009
After conversing back and forth with another mom who has a sweet boy (Jaxson) with Down syndrome the last couple of days, I am feeling very sad! Both of our sons were born with Down syndrome and heart defects. Both of them have had to go through a lot in their short life. Both of them have had many surgeries, many hospitalizations, many times on a ventilator, and both of them suffered a brain injury due to errors on the part of medical staff caring for them. WHY?
I know that this is not for me to ask! I know that there is a reason for this happening and I know that our heaven in not meant to be here on earth! But, WHY??!!
I'm just here venting, instead of spending the day crying about it. I can't change what has happened and I really wouldn't want to in the grand plan of it all. Because I know that God's plans are far greater than my own. Yet, I wish that I could be given a script of our lives and know the reason why this has all taken place! I struggle daily with this! I try to give it all to God and for the most part I am able to, but then these darn emotions of mine have to get in the way! I told Joel last night, that I wished that I were not so sensitive and I wish that my emotions wouldn't take over the rational part of my brain!
When I think rationally, it all makes perfect sense! We are not here to be happy all of the time. We are not here to fill our selfish desires! We are here for a GREATER PLAN! We are here to become more holy and to glorify God. As a Christian, I know all of this and I am grateful for all of this! But, why do I have to have emotions to make it so hard in the mean time?! Some days I wish that I were a robot and could just go about my business doing what I need to do and not feeling the pain in all of it......what a horrible thought really......but it sure would be easier some days! UGH!
Gavin could be doing so much now, if not for errors that were made in his care! He could be crawling or walking. He could be eating and talking! But, the reality is.....he isn't! I accept that there is a reason for all of this. I pray that I will be able to know that reason some day soon. If not, I will continue to hope in our AWESOME Lord and know that some day I WILL know why and that I will see Gavin and Jaxson walk, and I will hear them talk, and that it is all worth it until that day!
Thanks for listening! Please pray for Gavin and Jaxson and the many out there like them! And please pray that I can keep those emotions at bay and continue to trust that good WILL come from this!
The following verses come thanks to Nolan having to do devotions at school this week. These are a couple of them that he shared with his class:
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4
"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:17