My sister said something this weekend that was funny at the time, but the more I think about it, I realize just how true the statement was. She was joking around about being a person that can annoy even her own self. She's a goofball, Who I love to death! She is is one of the few people who can get me in a good mood like no other, kind of like Gavin actually! Anyway, she was saying how she's tried to change herself, but she will probably always be crazy and goofy. And then she said, "And I can't even get away from myself!" We just laughed, like we often do around her, but I've been thinking about how true her words are! We can't get away from ourselves!
I am someone who is quite reserved and always try to "do the right thing." I put a lot of pressure on myself and am probably harder on myself than anyone has every been. I fail miserably quite often and this really brings me down. I worry about others and I worry about what they think of me. I like to give the impression that I have it "all together", when I SO DO NOT have it "all together." I am a very positive person about most situations, but I struggle to stay positive. I have to dig deep and pray about this a lot to stay positive. I like to think that I'm easy to get along with, and most of the time I believe that this is probably true. But, sometimes I just wish that I could GET AWAY FROM MYSELF! Seriously!
Why do I have to think so much? Why do I have to try to please others so much? Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I think that I have to pretend to be alright, when I am SO not alright? Why do I let myself feel so sensitive about the way some people act, when I can't even control them anyway? Why do I put so much effort into making others happy, when it seems like some people could care less about how I feel? I suppose the answer to these questions is that, I CARE! I care about how others are feeling. I care about whether or not everyone else is happy and taken care of. I CARE! And, when I can't please everyone it makes me frustruated and sad. Some days I just wish that I could get away from my thoughts and cares! I think that I need a vacation from MYSELF! I am probably my worst enemy and I have no way of getting away from me! Man, I sound like I'm crazy, but I guarantee that I am not. I may be close to crazy, but since I get all these feelings out I am able to stay sane thankfully! Just venting makes a world of difference for me! Not to mention all the positive people out there in blog land, Your messages of support always brighten my day and mood! THANK YOU!
Anyway, now that I'm done venting, I'll tell you that we are home from our short trip and that, for the most part, we had a great time! It is always difficult getting away with 5 boys. (Yes, I said 5 boys, because Joel can be just as much of a handful on vacation as our actual boys! Enough said.) There is SO much to pack taking Gavin away from home and by the time I get 'on vacation' I'm exhausted! But, all in all, I think it was a very worthwhile trip! Jacob, Nolan, Caleb and I did not want to come home at all because we were enjoying ourselves so much, but Joel and Gavin are definitely homebodies, so we came back for them. Gavin did seem to enjoy himself for the most part, but he is definitely happier at home! It was wonderful spending time with our family that we rarely get to see and we had a couple of fun adventures as well! (Children's Museum and the Zoo!) Jacob and Nolan have informed me that they are even planning to move to Indianapolis someday! So they must have had fun!
Now we are back to the same old, which is always hard to come home to, but I am trying to dig deep and pray about keeping my positive attitude! :) I hope everyone else enjoyed their Spring break! Breaks are wonderful! Now if I can only figure out how to take a break from myself....hhmm? Let me know if you have any good ideas!
"Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man." Luke 21:36