After re-reading my update from yesterday and after reading one of the comments left for me, I started thinking about things. I said in yesterday's post that life was going well for us and that I felt very blessed, although sad that others were suffering so. I kind of had to laugh, because I suddenly felt surprised by my feelings of wellness! Why do I feel so blessed and happy?!
When I really think about my life, there are so many things that should make me feel the opposite probably. Life hasn't been all roses for me. My family had many struggles while I was growing up. We are far from wealthy. I live with 5 males and even a male dog! (There is absolutely no femininity in this house at all...even I have found myself becoming more male-like as I live with only boys, year after year!) I have very few friends. (Many sorta friends, but no one I'm very close to, especially since having children and Gavin...I don't have the time anymore, not if I'm going to be the mother that I want to be to them.) And.....I have a very handicapped child! So, why do I feel so blessed?!
Others might look at my life and actually feel sorry for me...some days I even feel sorry for myself! But, I do always try my hardest to see the positive side of each situation. I'm not always very good at seeing the positive side, but I try my hardest to find it!
Before I go on, I do want to say that I know that my struggles are SO MUCH easier than MANY people's struggles. I TRULY AM BLESSED! I know this and I am VERY thankful for this! I thank God daily for the blessings that he has provided me and my family and the grace that he has shown us along our way! Some people's hardships are enormous, compared to mine, and some people might even wish that they had my life! (If you are interested, you can try my life out for a day and see if it's all it's cracked up to be!) Just remember, the "grass is always greener on the other side!" :) But, to sum it all up, I AM BLESSED, BLESSED beyond what I deserve!
But.....Life IS very difficult at the VW house! It is CRAZY! It is LOUD! (I worry about having neighbors, because our boys are so obnoxious and wild when they play outside, seriously!) They are great boys (TRULY GREAT!), but they argue and fight and whine and complain a lot! And, There are other issues in my life that I don't readily share with everyone. Plus.....
Having Gavin makes almost everthing more difficult! He HAS advanced since his stroke, but he is still like an infant. All our daily acts of living are made more difficult because of his needs. My neck hurts. My posture is horrible! He's hooked up to a pump most of the day, so there is more to carry around than just him! He doesn't support himself, so holding him or carrying him is more strenuous on my body. He doesn't sit up at all! Do you know how difficult it is to go places or just sit outside on a summer day with a child like Gavin?! There is no really good place for him to be, unless he is being held. He lays flat on the floor or rolls around, but outside this isn't good with ants crawling on him! In his stroller he is fine for a while, but he leans and slides down constantly, so he never looks very comfortable and I am always striving to keep him comfortable. He has breathing treatments 2 times a day, that last about 40 minutes each. He takes many meds that I have to make up daily. He has more doctors than any child ever should! He gags and spits up and I'm always having to run to where he is to make sure that he doesn't aspirate what he spits up! I could go on and on, but I won't.
The point that I'm trying to get to is, why do I feel happy and blessed? If I really think about things, I could get really down in the dumps very quickly, but I can honestly say that I am happy with my life! Of course, I have bad days and hate my life at times, but for the most part, I am content! Why is this?
I was just thinking about all of this when I logged on to another blog that I read. When I got to their site, I saw the title of their blog, "By God's Grace." There, in front of my eyes, was the answer! I am only content and mostly happy because of God's wonderful grace!
Life is far from perfect. But, God has supplied me with resources and love, to not only get through my days, but to get through them feeling content! I am so thankful for this and thankful for His promises to me as well!
I will struggle every day, while here on earth, but I can rest in His grace and love! I sometimes look at Gavin and wonder if he is happy and content with life? His life seems so boring to me, but I have a feeling that God's grace is bountiful for him as well!
Just look at this sweet boy! Gavin is the picture of contentment! Thank You Lord!
"For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11
"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory now and forever. Amen." 2 Peter 3:18