I've been thinking a lot about all the pain and suffering in this world. I read about so many children and families who are dealing with so much! While I am struggling some days with my family's own suffering, it is the struggles that I see others facing that really gets me down! Yes, I'm sad that Gavin may never progress further than the level he is at now, but I have a huge faith in God that He will give us ALL the strength and peace to face this future! We could NOT do it on our own and I'm thankful that I know the word of God, because by knowing this, there is nothing to fear! I feel so blessed to know this! I think about those who might not know this truth. I have no idea how they get through each day and especially when a tragedy occurs! Some people have said to me, "How do you know that God is real and that His word is true?" My answer is that I have faith! Faith that was given to me through the Holy Spirit! What a gift! I've been asked, "What if you are wrong about God?" Well, my answer is this; I am very confident that I am not wrong, but if I were, What do I have to lose?! Nothing! Those who think they are right, on the other hand, have much to lose! Eternity in heaven! I can get through every day, even with all the pain and suffering in this world, because I know that this life is short in comparison to our life, for those who believe in God, that is to come! Do I still worry and hurt? Yes! But, I know that the rewards we will receive in heaven will greatly overshadow the suffering we encounter here on earth! Do I ever feel jealous of people who seemingly have such a "perfect" life? Yes! But, then I think about my PERFECT life to come! I can handle this life a whole lot easier when I think about the gift that I have been given. The most wonderful gift! The gift of faith and the gift of Jesus! Thank you Lord for this gift!
Some days I do feel very alone because I don't really have anyone who totally understands what it is like to care for a child like Gavin. I read about many families who have lost their precious children (and I can't really relate to them, although I know it must be the worst pain ever!), I also read about families who are caring for their precious children, who may or may not get better, (but their situations are so much different from mine and Gavin's.) What I read brings me such clarity and appreciation for what I have, but I have not really found a site that I can totally relate to. Until yesterday. O.K., I can't totally relate to this mother, but the feelings that she has expressed really made me feel not so alone. The feelings of being a foreigner out in public, with or without Gavin. The feelings of uncertainty. The feelings of worry. The feelings of seeing your child as SO much more than others possibly can! When I am at home with Gavin I feel so much better, than when I am out with him. I see the progress that he has made and I see how he is trying to relate to us, by 'talking' to us and smiling at us, things that are huge to me, but probably don't seem like much to others who don't know him the way that I do. Anyway, I'm adding this mother's site to ours (on the side bar), because I know that this family could use your prayers and she is good at expressing what it's like to care for a special child. The site is: http://www.newkindofnormal.blogspot.com/
I worry how having Gavin may be affecting our other boys. Are they jealous of other families? Are they embarrassed by having such a different situation and a brother with special needs? Jacob gave me such a gift this week by saying something. He said, "Gavin sure has changed our lives!" He said this with a smile. I asked if that change was good or bad. He said, "Good!" He really loves Gavin and takes such good care of him! He also asked for me to bring Gavin along with me to school today to help out with field day instead of finding someone to watch Gavin. He wants to show him off, so he must not be embarrassed! He said, "Gavin will be the star!" As a soon to be teenager, he just doesn't seem to care about being different ever! I know I would have cared at his age. So, again, I am taught a very important lesson from one of my children! Different does not matter! What matters is love! I saw something on the news the other night about this man who has 3 pets; a dog, a cat and a rat. In nature these animals normally wouldn't care for one another, if fact, they would most likely hate each other and try to hurt one another because they are different. These three instead loved each other and would walk around on top of each other! The dog carried the cat and the cat carried the rat! It was so cute and, I thought, a very valuable lesson! In these days of elections and people being right or wrong and different from one another, can't we just try to help each other out and show some love?! We all just need to try to get along and, as Nolan prayed at dinner last night, "Help us to fully put our trust in You Lord!" AMEN!
"But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgement seat of Christ." Romans 14:10