Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Why do I care?

When I take Gavin out in public, which I am doing a little more of lately, people usually smile and comment on how cute he is. This especially happens when he has his glasses on. This makes me feel good! But, then they usually ask how old he is. This makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable. If I tell them how old he is they usually look confused since he is so far behind developmentally. Otherwise people assume he's much younger than he his or that he's sleeping because he's usually laying down in his stroller or I'm holding him up over my shoulder since he has very little head control and can't sit up on his own. I most often times tell them that he's 1 year old. This IS the truth, but he's actually closer to 2 years old. I guess I tell them this because I'm uncomfortable with what they must be thinking and I don't really feel like dealing with the questions. Why do I care what they think?! I should not care what others may be thinking about Gavin since I know just how far he HAS progressed with ALL that he's had to go through! In fact, I was planning on doing an update about the little progresses that he has made lately, until I started thinking about these other insecurities. I will update on the positive news another day, but today I feel that I need to focus on this instead.

Why do many of us care what others think about us? I got to thinking about how teenagers usually feel and then I got to thinking about feelings that I've had about relationships with some family and friends in the past. Why have I put so much thought and worry into impressing and pleasing others that I know that no matter what I do , say or act like, they just won't get me or think positively about me anyway! It really is ridiculous when you think about it! My mom has told me for years that you will come to a time in your life when the little things just don't matter and that pleasing everyone will never happen, so just try not to worry about it. I believe that time has come! :) What a relief! Instead of caring about what others think about me, I think I'll try to put more of a focus on caring what God sees in me! He's the only one that I should be trying to please and then everyone else should be happy with me. And if they aren't, then I shouldn't be putting the effort in anyway because obviously we are way to different to begin with and I'll probably never make them happy anyway! I get so frustruated when I hear people say that Christians think that they are better than everyone else and that they are so judgemental! While some may feel this way, most do not if they truly understand the Word of God! If you understand that you needed Jesus to die for your sins and that you are a sinner, then you would actually think the very opposite! How could a Christian be better than anyone else? We ALL needed Jesus to die for our sins, no matter how great or small those sins are! In fact, if you are a Christian, you should just be thankful for the fact that you are blessed with this most awesome gift and not feeling that you are better because you are one! I hope that I can live my life trying to please God and not worrying about pleasing the world, because that will never happen! So, from now on when someone asks me how old Gavin is, I plan on saying; "He's almost 2 years old and I'm so proud of the accomplishments he's made in his short and complicated life!" Oh, the lessons I've learned by having this little guy in my life! There is so much more to care about!

I'm adding another site that you can go to on the side bar. I've found another little one and her family to pray for: Please check out their site and show your support because I know how helpful this can be!

"Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven. For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost." Matthew 18:10-11

Friday, May 23, 2008


I've been thinking a lot about all the pain and suffering in this world. I read about so many children and families who are dealing with so much! While I am struggling some days with my family's own suffering, it is the struggles that I see others facing that really gets me down! Yes, I'm sad that Gavin may never progress further than the level he is at now, but I have a huge faith in God that He will give us ALL the strength and peace to face this future! We could NOT do it on our own and I'm thankful that I know the word of God, because by knowing this, there is nothing to fear! I feel so blessed to know this! I think about those who might not know this truth. I have no idea how they get through each day and especially when a tragedy occurs! Some people have said to me, "How do you know that God is real and that His word is true?" My answer is that I have faith! Faith that was given to me through the Holy Spirit! What a gift! I've been asked, "What if you are wrong about God?" Well, my answer is this; I am very confident that I am not wrong, but if I were, What do I have to lose?! Nothing! Those who think they are right, on the other hand, have much to lose! Eternity in heaven! I can get through every day, even with all the pain and suffering in this world, because I know that this life is short in comparison to our life, for those who believe in God, that is to come! Do I still worry and hurt? Yes! But, I know that the rewards we will receive in heaven will greatly overshadow the suffering we encounter here on earth! Do I ever feel jealous of people who seemingly have such a "perfect" life? Yes! But, then I think about my PERFECT life to come! I can handle this life a whole lot easier when I think about the gift that I have been given. The most wonderful gift! The gift of faith and the gift of Jesus! Thank you Lord for this gift!

Some days I do feel very alone because I don't really have anyone who totally understands what it is like to care for a child like Gavin. I read about many families who have lost their precious children (and I can't really relate to them, although I know it must be the worst pain ever!), I also read about families who are caring for their precious children, who may or may not get better, (but their situations are so much different from mine and Gavin's.) What I read brings me such clarity and appreciation for what I have, but I have not really found a site that I can totally relate to. Until yesterday. O.K., I can't totally relate to this mother, but the feelings that she has expressed really made me feel not so alone. The feelings of being a foreigner out in public, with or without Gavin. The feelings of uncertainty. The feelings of worry. The feelings of seeing your child as SO much more than others possibly can! When I am at home with Gavin I feel so much better, than when I am out with him. I see the progress that he has made and I see how he is trying to relate to us, by 'talking' to us and smiling at us, things that are huge to me, but probably don't seem like much to others who don't know him the way that I do. Anyway, I'm adding this mother's site to ours (on the side bar), because I know that this family could use your prayers and she is good at expressing what it's like to care for a special child. The site is:

I worry how having Gavin may be affecting our other boys. Are they jealous of other families? Are they embarrassed by having such a different situation and a brother with special needs? Jacob gave me such a gift this week by saying something. He said, "Gavin sure has changed our lives!" He said this with a smile. I asked if that change was good or bad. He said, "Good!" He really loves Gavin and takes such good care of him! He also asked for me to bring Gavin along with me to school today to help out with field day instead of finding someone to watch Gavin. He wants to show him off, so he must not be embarrassed! He said, "Gavin will be the star!" As a soon to be teenager, he just doesn't seem to care about being different ever! I know I would have cared at his age. So, again, I am taught a very important lesson from one of my children! Different does not matter! What matters is love! I saw something on the news the other night about this man who has 3 pets; a dog, a cat and a rat. In nature these animals normally wouldn't care for one another, if fact, they would most likely hate each other and try to hurt one another because they are different. These three instead loved each other and would walk around on top of each other! The dog carried the cat and the cat carried the rat! It was so cute and, I thought, a very valuable lesson! In these days of elections and people being right or wrong and different from one another, can't we just try to help each other out and show some love?! We all just need to try to get along and, as Nolan prayed at dinner last night, "Help us to fully put our trust in You Lord!" AMEN!

"But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgement seat of Christ." Romans 14:10

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Love is a beautiful thing

This post is dedicated to my sister, Amy, and her husband, Mark. Congratulations on your new marriage! You are a lovely couple and I'm so happy for you! May God Bless your life together!

Love is such a gift from God and it's wonderful to see that gift in the two of you! I Love You!
"He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." 1 John 4:8

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!!!

On this day in which we take time to thank and honor mothers, I would like to wish all the mothers out there a VERY BLESSED MOTHER"S DAY! I want to especially acknowledge a few mothers in particular.

I will start with my own! Mom, thank you for being such a caring, devoted mother to me! I especially want to thank you for sharing the word of God with me throughout my life! I am so blessed to have you as my mother! Thank you for always being there for me and always knowing and sharing with me just the words that I need to hear! God has blessed many by putting you in their lives! I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU!
I also want to thank Joel's mom for being such a wonderful mother-in-law and grandma! Thank you for your selflessness and for all that you do for our family! You are such a blessing!
YOM, this includes you too! You have played a very important role in my life and I thank you for the love that you have given me!
I also want to take a moment to remember some very special moms out there! There are those who are caring for and loving children, who's parents didn't or couldn't take well enough care of them. They may not have been able to have a child of their own. Remember that God is using you and has a plan for you! There are those who are facing the death of a precious child and having to mourn the loss every day, and probably especially on this day! Remember that God has a plan for you as well and He is there! There are also those who are caring for a sick and hurting child. I think of those who may even be in the hospital today, praying that their child will get well. Remember that God is a graceful God and He alone will bring you through!
Today I am reminded of this time last year. Last year I received the most wonderful Mother's Day gift, Gavin came home after 4 1/2 months of being in the hospital! I'm not sure if that gift will ever be topped, but this year I have been given the gift of hope! Gavin has been doing so well this week! He is now off the Phenobarb medicine and still seizure free! He has also been more alert and has smiled for me at least 12 times this week, the biggest smile being today! This is so wonderful for me to see! Gavin has a LONG way to go, but smiles like he's shown me this week are just the beginning, Lord willing!
I have to share some pictures of my boys, on this Mother's Day! This week was crazy hair day at school and the boys looked crazy indeed! Caleb insisted that Gavin wanted to join the fun as well!

I love my boys!!! Life is never dull with them around!
"For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:13-14

Monday, May 5, 2008

(Un)Answered Prayers

Every morning when I hear Gavin yawning his cute little yawn and 'talking' to us from his crib, I get so excited! I just can't wait to go pick him up and squeeze him! He is just so huggable and precious! Some times I think to myself, "What if we didn't have him?" What if my prayers of a healthy baby had been answered? What if?! Well.....our life would be a whole lot easier! But, would we think it was easy if we didn't have the knowledge of what difficult is? Our life would not consist of so much uncertainty; Will he ever sit up, walk, talk or live for many years to come? But, isn't our life as children of God very certain already?! Our life would probably be filled with a lot more fun; no meds, no nebs, less Dr. appointments, getting out more. But, would we realize just how blessed we are?! We wouldn't have as much responsibility. But, would our life be filled with such purpose and knowledge of just how awesome and sufficient God's grace is?! Our prayers were answered. We just didn't realize the benefits of having them answered the way God intended them to be answered until after our minds were expanded by having Gavin! God's gift to us in Gavin has been the worst gift I've ever been given, yet the BEST! Sounds crazy, but true! God's plan is always going to be more perfect than my own! I just hope that I will always keep my thoughts on Him and trust that He will give me the peace and strength to sustain whatever he sends my way! I think about this a lot when I go to retrieve my wonderful gift each morning. I pray that God gives me many more mornings with Gavin and all my boys! What answered prayers they are!

Gavin remains seizure free and is almost off the Phenobarb! If he continues to not have seizures, they may try to taper him off another one of his seizures meds. He also continues to stay healthy, even when the rest of us have come down with something! This is such a blessing! As the weather gets nicer, we may even attempt to take him out more often and see how he does with it. It can be difficult taking him out since he doesn't sit up on his own and he has a feeding pump running and hooked up to him about 18 hours a day, but we'll figure it out. I know it would help me not to feel so restless, getting out more often! We would appreciate your continued prayers for Gavin's health and for our peace. We are so thankful for the support that we have been given and for the love shown to us! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I've decided to try something different with messages left to us on this site. If you leave us a message, I am going to try to reply to each one in the comment section. I really appreciate the messages left for us and want it to feel a little more personable and to also thank you when you leave one! I got this idea from a friend's blog. (Annette, great idea!)

Hope you are all enjoying God's gift of Spring! Love and prayers for all of you!

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake." Psalm 23:1-3