Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Why do I care?

When I take Gavin out in public, which I am doing a little more of lately, people usually smile and comment on how cute he is. This especially happens when he has his glasses on. This makes me feel good! But, then they usually ask how old he is. This makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable. If I tell them how old he is they usually look confused since he is so far behind developmentally. Otherwise people assume he's much younger than he his or that he's sleeping because he's usually laying down in his stroller or I'm holding him up over my shoulder since he has very little head control and can't sit up on his own. I most often times tell them that he's 1 year old. This IS the truth, but he's actually closer to 2 years old. I guess I tell them this because I'm uncomfortable with what they must be thinking and I don't really feel like dealing with the questions. Why do I care what they think?! I should not care what others may be thinking about Gavin since I know just how far he HAS progressed with ALL that he's had to go through! In fact, I was planning on doing an update about the little progresses that he has made lately, until I started thinking about these other insecurities. I will update on the positive news another day, but today I feel that I need to focus on this instead.

Why do many of us care what others think about us? I got to thinking about how teenagers usually feel and then I got to thinking about feelings that I've had about relationships with some family and friends in the past. Why have I put so much thought and worry into impressing and pleasing others that I know that no matter what I do , say or act like, they just won't get me or think positively about me anyway! It really is ridiculous when you think about it! My mom has told me for years that you will come to a time in your life when the little things just don't matter and that pleasing everyone will never happen, so just try not to worry about it. I believe that time has come! :) What a relief! Instead of caring about what others think about me, I think I'll try to put more of a focus on caring what God sees in me! He's the only one that I should be trying to please and then everyone else should be happy with me. And if they aren't, then I shouldn't be putting the effort in anyway because obviously we are way to different to begin with and I'll probably never make them happy anyway! I get so frustruated when I hear people say that Christians think that they are better than everyone else and that they are so judgemental! While some may feel this way, most do not if they truly understand the Word of God! If you understand that you needed Jesus to die for your sins and that you are a sinner, then you would actually think the very opposite! How could a Christian be better than anyone else? We ALL needed Jesus to die for our sins, no matter how great or small those sins are! In fact, if you are a Christian, you should just be thankful for the fact that you are blessed with this most awesome gift and not feeling that you are better because you are one! I hope that I can live my life trying to please God and not worrying about pleasing the world, because that will never happen! So, from now on when someone asks me how old Gavin is, I plan on saying; "He's almost 2 years old and I'm so proud of the accomplishments he's made in his short and complicated life!" Oh, the lessons I've learned by having this little guy in my life! There is so much more to care about!

I'm adding another site that you can go to on the side bar. I've found another little one and her family to pray for: Please check out their site and show your support because I know how helpful this can be!

"Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven. For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost." Matthew 18:10-11


Amy said...

AMEN, sister!!!! Oh, how proud you make me of you and that little guy... :o) (((HUGS)))

mommy to 2 bugs said...

It always seems easier for me to tell others not to worry what others think, but when it's me and my family, it's much harder!! However, I do agree that as we grow up and mature, what others think, matters less and less!! Praise God....but I still wouldn't want to be a teen again! lol! You are a wonderful person and your love and faith in God is inspiring! thank you for sharing so much of your life with all of us!!
Love to you!

Annette Gysen said...

I used to give incomplete answers to questions sometimes because I wanted to avoid pitying looks and giving explanations and answering questions--again. Maybe that's part of it for you too? If people just know that Gavin is one, they won't be as surprised or ask as many questions? Pastor F. hasn't said it recently, but in the past he has said that we should live out of the reality--and you are doing just that! Gavin is a gift, and I'm so happy for you that you see that and live out of that reality--no matter what other people see.

Anonymous said...

Alicia - I just had to share this with you today - it got to me, been thinking about you alot and need to get together soon. I don't usually forward stories, but it sounded like something you would say. I read your blog alot and am amazed at how profound your honesty and faith are. Thanks - Melissa

Blue Roses

Why do I always have to be the one that starts to do laundry and there's no detergent? I guess it was time for me to do my 'Dollar Store' run, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags and Clorox. So off I go.

I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies, and headed for the checkout counter only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man that appeared to be about sixteen-years- old. I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, 'Mommy, I'm over here." It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged, and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by.

His eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, 'Hey Buddy, what's your name?'
'My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother,' he responded proudly.
'Wow,' I said, 'that's a c ool name; I wish my name was Denny, but my name is Hal.'
'Hal like Halloween?' he asked.
'Yes,' I answered. 'How old are you Denny?
'How old am I now Mommy?' he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle.
'You're fifteen-years-old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by.'

I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement because he was the center of someone's attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.

Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him. I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from, other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

I told her that there are plenty of red, yellow and pin k roses in God's garden, however, 'Blue Roses' are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a 'Blue Rose' and if someone doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness, then they've missed a blessing from God.

She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, 'Who are you?'

Without thinking I said, 'Oh, I'm probably just a 'daffodil or maybe even a dandelion,' but I sure love living in God's garden.
Please the next time you see a BLUE ROSE don't turn your head and walk off - take the time to smile and say Hello. Because by the grace of GOD this mother could be you. This could be your child, grandchild, niece, nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.

From just a daffodil.

Anxious AF said...

I struggle with this too. So many times I am asked how old, and I want to say 4 months. I dont, I tell the truth, but it hurts.
From now on I too will remember where he has come from, and wehre he is now, and how he is changing me.

The VW's said...


Thanks! Love and hugs to you too!

Love, Alicia


Thanks! I would not want to go back to those teenage years either! We HAVE to get together soon! Love ya!



Thanks for your insight! I am very glad that God has given me the grace and insight to see Gavin as such a wonderful gift! Thanks for your support!

Love, Alicia


Thanks for that poem! I've read it before and LOVE it! We definately need to get together soon! Hope you and your family are doing well!

Love, Alicia

The VW's said...


It IS very hard! But, our little guys have probably had it worse! So, if they can fight through it, so can and MUST we! Thanks for the inspiration you have been to me and others through your blog!


boltefamily said...

What a great post and agreat family! Thanks for your inspiration and constant support and prayer!

Much Love,

Inspired said...

Alicia, It is such a normal reaction to worry about what others think of us. You are amazing, Gavin is amazing, and your boys are amazing. Joel too : ) That's what matter's.

Your blog on suffering hit close to home for me. As you know, my friend lost her 3 month baby. Since then so many things keep happening. One of my best friend's daughter's had knee surgery and won't be able to run anymore (one of her greatest passions). A co-worker's father passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. My other best friend's daughter's best friend (if you can follow that) has a 10% of living after she has been fighting cancer for 3 years. How do you explain to a 10 year old that she isn't going to see 11. Another best friend's aunt passed away. This is all in a matter of 10 days. Some of these things unthinkable, some just dissapointing, but so much hurt for so many that I love.
Alicia - when I made my blog "Inspired" it rings true especially during these times. You are my inspiration in faith and love. Thank you for pulling me up by sharing God's word and being an all around wonderful person with the BIGGEST, sweetest, caring heart & soul on the planet. I love and admire you dearly!

The VW's said...


Thank You! I think of you often and am SO inspired by you as well! May God grant you peace and comfort always! I pray this for you often!

Love, Alicia


I will be praying for your friends and you, as all of you face this time of uncertainty and sadness. It is so hard to watch people hurt and not be able to do what seems like anything to comfort them! Being a friend and praying for them is really all that we can do. God will take care of the rest!

Thanks for your support and love! It has meant the world to me! I love you! Hang in there with all that you and your friends are going through!

Love, Alicia

Tamara said...

Alicia, I feel your heart! I am so glad you've come to the point that it does not matter what other think. I too had a hard time with Abby, now I look at it as a way to share Christ and to give him the glory for her life to a total stranger! Abby is 3.5 and developmentally she is about an 8 month old. I am proud of you, you are such a good mommy! Tamara

The VW's said...


What a great way to see her life! I know that our little ones live's have greater meaning than anyone could ever know! They and we have been called to a very important job! Thanks for your kind words and support!


Kimberly Hass said...


I think it is only natural to worry about what other people think, regardless of how many times we tell ourselves not to.
It's completely understandable that there will be days when you don't feel like telling a complete stranger all of Gavin's history and just give the 'simple' answer. And, there will be times when you will tell this person all of Gavin's wonderful accomplishments.
Everyone who knows you knows how proud you are of Gavin (and all of your boys). You are a wonderful mother -- that's what people think of you!!

Love you,

The VW's said...


Thank you! You are a pretty awesome mother yourself! I LOVE the new picture of Mallory! Thanks for sending them! We should get together sometime, Caleb loved playing with Mallory!

Love, Alicia