Friday, April 30, 2010


.....degrees, that is! That's the temp it's supposed to be here today.

So, I put Gavin in shorts, for the first time this year!

And, it's making me fall in love with him all over again!

I think he's excited about this!

Isn't he cute??!!!

So, besides kissing this adorable face of his.....

I'll be munching on his sweet legs as well! :)

Just one of the many reasons that I am so blessed!

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." Psalm 1:1-3

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Our boys are a bunch of characters! As far as they're concerned, it's comedy hour all day long! They keep me smiling, but with all their goofiness they also nearly drive me to insanity! I often wonder where they get all their goofiness from, because Joel and I aren't that humorous, but they get it from somewhere, because our boys are definitely characters!

This month they got to take "character" to a whole new level. And, they loved it!

The junior high and high school had a "dress as a nerd day" at school. Jacob was ALL for this!

He was voted in the top two, for nerdiness, out of all who participated. Joel and I are so proud! :)

Then, yesterday the elementary students had a "dress as a character from a book day." And, of course, Nolan and Caleb were very excited about this!

Nolan dressed as "Christian", from the book Pilgram's Progress. He carried a sack filled with his "burdens" and a Bible. And, Caleb dressed as Long John Silver, from the book Treasure Island.

Nolan's class won for having the most students dressed as characters.

Then there is Gavin. He wanted to join in on the fun as well! So, he wore his Mr. Potato Head shirt! He can be quite the character as well! After all, look who he has for big brothers! :)

It's never a dull moment around here, especially with my boys around! I am so blessed.....Although, a vacation sure does sound really good this week! With school, homework, illnesses, sports, piano lessons, projects, goofiness.....They sure are keeping me hopping! But, I wouldn't change it for the world!


Please continue to be in prayer for Carly's family! They are laying their sweet girl to rest today. My heart is breaking for them! I pray that God will give them the peace, strength and grace that they require today and always!

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we also have access by faith into the grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And, not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1-5

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Gone way too soon!

So often, this life seems unfair. I often find myself questioning the uncertainties of this world. I have been doing a lot of this the past couple of days!

I learned that a fellow blogger's daughter passed away on Friday. Carly was such a beautiful girl and so full of life and potential! I can't even begin to understand why she was taken from this world and her family so soon!

Carly's family had been given a surprise gift 8 years ago, when she came into their family. Carly was born with a little something extra, just like Gavin. Carly had Down syndrome.

If you don't have a child with Down syndrome or if you aren't close to someone with DS, then you can't possibly imagine the pain it must be to have lost this sweet girl so soon! Along with an extra Chromosome, children with Down syndrome also bring with them extra joy for this world!

Carly was the George's 3rd child and she came into their life when their other children were somewhat older. Carly was a VERY loved little girl! I couldn't help but see that she was the life of their family.

She was very healthy, despite having a heart defect that was repaired and despite having went through leukemia a few years ago. In fact, she was so healthy and full of life that she went to a typical school and she did what typical children do everyday! Her family had no reason to believe that she would be taken from them so soon!

I read on Facebook that she had a seizure (not sure if this is true) and that they had to call 911. And then, that she didn't make it! It happened this quickly! This just doesn't make sense or seem fair! How does a family continue on after something like this?!

I have been caught up in a cloud of sorrow this weekend, thinking of how her wonderful family must feel. I went to the store and saw people doing their normal routines and all I wanted to do was cry and say, "How can everyone act so normal when a precious child, like Carly, is gone from us?!" I didn't even "know" Carly, and yet, I am being shook hard, knowing that she is no longer alive on this earth with us! I keep waking up and praying for her family and thinking of how hard this must be for them!

Sometimes you expect a child to leave this earth too soon. I've thought this way about Gavin several times in his life.....when he was so sick and in the hospital. I would have fallen apart if we had lost him so soon, but I certainly would have been somewhat prepared. With Carly, no one expected this! I don't even believe that she ever suffered from seizures in her life! This just doesn't make any sense!

I keep looking at this picture of her and getting sick to my stomach, thinking of what her family is missing right now!

I read this on a church sign this week:

"Don't put a question mark where God has put a period."

I usually would be nodding my head in agreement to a truth like this, But I am having a really difficult time not questioning this today!

Please be in prayer for Carly's family! I pray that God will give them the peace that only He can supply. And, may they be given grace, hope, strength and love today and always!

The last post that Carly's Momma did this past week, prior to knowing that Carly would be taken from her so soon, was titled: "Everything's going to be alright." I hope and pray that this is true for her family. Please keep them in your heart and prayers!

You will be missed sweet Carly!

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Friday, April 23, 2010

Babies, Babies, Everywhere!

I absolutely LOVE babies! I also love children! They are truly what makes this life great! I can't imagine not being a mom and I feel so blessed that God has given me the gift of motherhood! I love having children in my life!

I've been wanting more children in my life.....but I'm not talking about having more of my own.....although I do desire to adopt a child someday. The children I've been longing for in my life would not be mine. They would be someone else's that I could visit and spoil and love and them leave them with their parents! :)

I have REALLY wanted to be an Aunt for quite sometime! And, Guess What??!! I am finally going to get my wish! Not only am I going to be an Aunt, I'm going to be an Aunt times two!

My sister, Amy, is going to have a baby! AND, Joel's sister, Jill, is going to be having one too! I am So EXCITED about this and so happy for them both! I've been waiting to officially become an Aunt for so long.....I mean, I have a 14 year old! Don't ya think it's about time that I should be able to spoil someone else's child?!

Anyway, I am so excited! Thanks Amy and Mark and Jill and Mike for this wonderful opportunity! We are very happy for you and can't wait to meet your bundles of joy!


Nolan also got some baby news at school this week. His teacher is expecting her first child! Nolan is quite excited about this! I don't know if this makes him "Uncle Nolan" or not, but you'd think that it did, to see how excited he was when he told me the great news!

Babies are such a gift from God!

So, Congrats to all you wonderful Ladies!


Now, onto my feelings.

A few months ago, I read a friend's blog, where she shared why she wasn't a good person to talk to a pregnant woman. I could totally relate to what she was saying!

I am always so excited for women when they tell me that they are having a baby! But, I feel like I'm the woman that they fear while they are pregnant. I am someone who had an abnormal baby was born with something wrong with him! I am the biggest fear of a pregnant lady. I don't know if they feel this way around me, but this is how I feel.

Most women deliver perfectly healthy and typical babies, so no one should feel this way around me knowing that Gavin was born with DS and heart defects. But, the probability is good, that I may make these ladies feel uneasy, thinking of what I have went through. And, this makes me sad.

It makes me sad, because I definitely don't want to be a reason for someone to worry during their pregnancy. And, it makes me sad, because I know how wonderful the gift of Gavin has actually been to me, and anyone who received a "Gavin" would be truly blessed, they just don't know it yet, like I didn't know before I was given Gavin!

There has been a whole lot of heartache in my life since Gavin joined our family, but I can honestly say that there is much more happiness since he's come along, than saddness. He is truly my greatest gift ever given to me!

I just commented on another friend's blog about something Jacob recently said about Gavin. Jacob said, "Gavin is such a good person!" I didn't think much about this statement until later, but when I did think about it, I realized what he meant.

Gavin is truly a good person! He sins in his own way, but there is mostly goodness that pours from him! He never has a bad thing to say to anyone. He almost always has a smile for you, if you just give him a tiny bit of attention. He loves unconditionally. And, he makes people happy by just laying there, being him! How many other people in this world can you say this about?

Most of us struggle to keep a good attitude throughout the day. We are sometimes grumpy, selfish, etc. But, Gavin is very consistant in being a great human being! He is the one person that can put a smile on my face, no matter how grumpy I am! He is the one that fills my heart with peace, when I am feeling over-burdened. He is simply a "good person!"

This is why I know that ALL women would be happy to have a blessed child like Gavin! He is such a gift to our family and I thank God for him daily!

Of couse, I have all this information in hind sight, so I know what a blessing a child like Gavin is! So, I totally understand it if other pregnant women might feel uncomfortable aroung me and "my story." I guess the moral of all of this is: ALL children are a gift from the Lord!

But..........then there are times that I open my mouth and wish that I hadn't! Sometimes I find myself saying something totally inappropriate and kick myself for saying it! I did this lastnight, while talking to 2 pregnant women. I hate myself today, for giving them any reason for worry during their pregnancy!

We were talking about being pregnant and sharing our stories, like women do, and one of them was saying how sick she felt and the other said, "Well, at least this means that everything is alright." Then, out of my mouth, without even thinking, I said, "I used to think that until I had Gavin." AAUGGHH!!!

What an insensitive thing to say to a pregnant woman! I didn't even think! I was just talking as friends do! I could have kicked myself after I said it though.

The fact is, I was very sick while pregnant with Gavin and it obviously didn't mean a thing, since he was born with heart defects and ended up going down hill from that point on. Every women's "story", while pregnant is different and I truly didn't mean anything by what I said, but I am feeling sick about it today.

So, obviously I am not a good person to talk to a pregnant woman either!

I know in my heart that every child is a perfect blessing from God and that this blessing will make your life better than you can possibly imagine it to be! I guess I should just stick with saying this to a pregnant woman! This is my plan in the future, but just in case you are pregnant and don't want to face me saying something that I wish that I hadn't said.....maybe you should just stay away from me until your wonderful blessing is born! And, if you don't stay away, I'm sorry in advance, if I do say something that makes you wish you hadn't talked to me in the first place. Just know, that my heart means good and that I KNOW that your life is about to get better, no matter what the Lord has planned for you and your baby!

Here is a picture of 2 of my blessings from God. They had a Spring program to sing in at school lastnight. Aren't they a handsome duo?! I am so blessed!

"For He has strengthened the bars of your gates; He has blessed your children within you." Psalm 147:13

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Wishing for naughty.....

Recently, Jacob and I were watching Gavin play with his toys on the floor. Jacob adores Gavin and seriously loves having him as a brother! But, along with the great feelings of having Gavin as a brother, there are also feelings of sadness. While we were watching Gavin play, Jacob looked at me with longing in his eyes and said; "I wish that Gavin could walk." All that I could say was, "Me too."

Sometimes I forget that having a special needs child, also affects our other children. I mean, I always think of the things that we could be doing with them if Gavin were able to do more, and how this makes me feel sad because as a parent, you want to give your children the world! But, I never really think that our other boys feel sad because Gavin isn't able to do much. They seem to take it all in stride and not let things bother them.

So, when Jacob said this, it made me feel sad for him, as Gavin's oldest brother.

After he said this, he went on to say how much more fun Gavin would be to have around, if he could run around with them. He imagined the things that Gavin would be doing right now if he could walk, talk and use his mind to it's fullest.

He saw Gavin running out of the house., Getting into the trash., Wrestling his brothers., Talking back to his brothers., Climbing into things and onto things.....etc. He said that he thought that Gavin would have been a little stinker and quite naughty, if Gavin hadn't suffered his major stroke.

And, I totally agree with Jacob. Gavin would have been a master trouble maker....there is no doubt in this! All I have to do is look at Gavin's brothers and what a handfull they are, to know this!

Oh, how I wish that we were pulling our hair out trying to keep Gavin in line!

Jacob wishes this as well.

Gavin DOES have ways of driving us crazy though. He may not be able to sit up on his own or walk and talk, but he definitely finds ways to be naughty! This is how I know that he probably would have been my most active child!

I know that I can't go back to the pre-stroke child, so I guess I'll have to find pleasure in the naughtiness that Gavin does get himself into.

Here are some pictures of Gavin's newest pleasure and naughty behavior:

Notice him yelling and enjoying his masterpiece!

He has found a way to grab onto the sides of his pipe bar, which his toys hang from, and pull it until it falls down and comes apart. He does this several times a day and he has even broken a piece of the pipe right off! Thankfully it still stands, even with a missing piece!

I think that he's quite proud of himself too!

Another thing that he does to drive his Momma nuts, is to grind his teeth. This noise is right up there with nails on a chalkboard! And, there is nothing that I can do to stop him from doing this!

He even smiles while doing, like he knows that he is being naughty!

I thought about getting this on video for all of you to hear, but then I thought that I would be nice instead!

Anyway, I sure do wish that Gavin was running around with his brothers and driving me crazy like the rest of them......but I do know that Gavin's purpose is different then their's is.

So, instead of running after Gavin, Jacob and I will just be imagining what Gavin could be doing and laugh about the images that come into our heads.

Oh.....and we'll also be covering our ears to drown out the grinding noise and we'll be picking up his toy bar for the 10th time today! :)

"Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men." 1 Corinthians 1:25

Friday, April 16, 2010

A few things.....mostly sports related!

You may know from past blog posts, that Gavin DOES NOT like baths! He doesn' like water period and he hates to get wet! Bathtime is very stressful for both of us! Since he despises it so much, I usually just give him a full bath every 2 weeks or so. I give him sponge baths every couple of days and wash his hair at the sink at this time as well. I have never seen a child not like water as much as Gavin doesn't like it!

Last week I saw a blog post on Jaxson's blog that I thought would help Gavin and I enjoy bathtime more. Jaxson's Momma put him in the bathtub with his big brother. He was being held by his brother, since, like Gavin, he can't sit up on his own. Gavin has only tolerated being put in water a few times and this was when I was holding him while in a swimming pool or hottub. So, I thought, maybe, just maybe, Gavin would tolerate his bath if someone was holding him! Caleb agreed to help me with this.

You want to know how it turned out?!

Gavin said, "NO WAY!"

I really thought that this would help! I guess, if Gavin had his way, he would stay dirty all of the time. Any suggestions for me????? I'm really hoping that once we get our pool installed (this year...???), Gavin will learn to like water. I REALLY pray that he does, because bathtime is depressing around here!


Guess what Springtime means at our house?


You want to see a schedule of our week?

Monday: Baseball practice for Jacob and Soccer practice for Nolan.

Tuesday: Softball practice for Joel, Baseball practice for Jacob and soccer practice for Caleb (all at the same time and all at different fields!)

Wednesday: Cadets, plus Nolan was supposed to start piano lessons, but I put it off until next week, so that I could get all of our schedules figured out this week.

Thursday: Soccer practice for Caleb, which he ended up missing because we had a baseball game to go to.

Friday: Baseball practice for Jacob and baseball practice for Caleb (Of course, both at the same time and at different locations!)

Saturday: Soccer game for Caleb and soccer game for Nolan. Plus, TWO baseball practices for Caleb in the afternoon!


Plus, we have Gavin's schedule to remember and laundry and cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and homework and meds and nebs and pharmacy visits.....


I'm not even a sports person! But, I am actually enjoying all of this craziness! It's better than being bored! Ask me how I feel in May though, after a couple months of running all the time! :)


Lastnight's baseball game was so much fun! Our boy's school had their varsity baseball game at a real baseball field! This is where our local baseball team (a division of the Detroit Tigers) plays their home games. A few people donated money to rent the field and it was almost like being at a professional baseball game! (Except, the fans from the two schools that played had the place to ourselves!)

Caleb took this picture of our team in their uniforms for the first game:

Our boys had a blast!

Well, Gavin wasn't too sure about all the cheering, yelling and clapping at first. He cried and startled a lot during the first game (it was a double header) and I felt really badly for him! But, by the second game he was used to the noise and ended up enjoying himself.

Caleb was in his element! His friends were there, baseball was being played, he could yell and run around and he got to stay up late!

The school had baseball cards made up for the players and the students got to get autographs from the players during one of the breaks! Caleb thought that this was so cool!

The students of our school had the option to sign up to sing the National anthem. Nolan and Caleb did this. It was a great opportunity for them! Here is a picture of the students singing:

So, did our team win????

They won both games and the night was a huge success!

We feel very blessed that our boys are apart of this school! And, they love it too!


Lastly, aren't my two youngest so sweet sitting together? I don't know what I would do without them in my life! I am so blessed!

Hope you all have a great weekend! We are planning on it.....and you know what ours will be filled with.....SPORTS!

"For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come." I Timothy 4:8

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Gavin has a lot to say!

My 3 1/2 year old may not be able to talk, but when he does have something to's music to my ears! Nothing on this earth puts a smile on my face like my Gavin does!

Excuse the crazy Momma voice in the background and the poor video quality. :)

And, pause the music on the sidebar of this blog to hear Gavin's sweet voice.

Are you as smitten with this guy as I am???!!

Have a great day!

"Happy are the people who are in such a state; Happy are the people whose God is the Lord!" Psalm 144:15

Monday, April 12, 2010


Do you ever think about adoption? I do. For the last several years it has been on my heart to consider adoption. I thought about adopting, even before Gavin came into our lives. Since Gavin came into our lives, I have changed my thoughts on adoption. I used to think about about adopting a sweet little baby girl, but this girl would have been free from a "label".

Gavin has a label. He has several labels. His labels are; "The boy with Down syndrome", "The boy with a heart defect", "The boy who suffered a stroke". But, the label that I love the most about Gavin is; "The boy who is LOVED very much"!

Since having Gavin in our lives, my heart has taken on new thoughts about adoption. Now, when I think about adoption, I think about a sweet baby girl who has Down syndrome and who might not be "perfect" in the world's eyes. I think about a precious child out there that REALLY needs a loving home, A child who has a label and who may have a difficult time getting adopted by a loving family.

Gavin has changed my heart and I am so very thankful to God for this!

I think about adoption a lot! I feel like I have so much love to give to little ones and not enough little ones to give this love to. Children are such a gift from the Lord!

Our family is crazy, busy and loud.....but not full enough to my liking. Call me crazy, but this is how I feel. This is why adoption is on my mind often. Some day.....I hope and pray to fill this big dream of mine.

I recently watched the following video and it touched my heart like no other!

Pause the music on the sidebar of this blog and watch it. Be prepared to be filled with awe! I see God working in this video....By my watching it, He has surely touched my heart and has made me feel SO thankful to be apart of His adoptive family!

I have often wondered about those who are Pro-life. Personally, I am Pro-life and proud of it! But to me, being Pro-life is more than just a stance. I'm not saying that everyone should adopt, but I do believe that if you are Pro-life, then you should DO SOMETHING to help this cause out. (Give money, volunteer, etc.)

There are courageous people out there who don't want/or can't raise a child. Or, they find out the child they are carrying has an abnormality and they don't want to take on this enormous responsibility. They find themselves pregnant and unsure of what to do. There are people out there, me included, who say; "Don't get an abortion! It's wrong!" And then, these courageous people don't get an abortion.........Instead, they carry the baby to term and they give them up for adoption. These people are heroes in my eyes!

The problem is; there are many children out there that NEED a home! They were blessed with a Momma who loved them enough to give them they need a HOME!

God adopted me. I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I feel, to have been adopted by Him! There is no greater gift!!!

And some day, I hope to do the same for another broken soul. Not today, but I hope and pray, to do this one day soon.

Have you ever considered adoption, or helping out to make sure that those who are put up for adoption are cared for?.....Think about it.


I have a blogging friend who's family is on their way to adopt a little girl. I am SO EXCITED for them! They will be a perfect family for this little girl! They are the parents of 4 boys and their boys are their life.....I can't wait to watch this family's journey to bring another blessing into their home! This is going to be a very blessed little girl!

They are on there way, but they need some help with fundraising. If you have it in your heart to help them, please click on the button below to visit their blog and to help support this wonderful cause. Thank you!

I am so happy for you Ray, Lacey and boys! You will be in my heart and prayers as you travel this exciting road!


"Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive adoption as sons." Galations 4:3-5

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Things that MAKE my day!

A few days ago I shared with you, some of the things that 'ruin my day'. Although I do wake up each day feeling sad that Gavin isn't able to do a whole lot of anything, I still have lots of things that turn each of my days into a good one! Here are a few of the simple things that put a smile on my face!

A nice day outside, watching my boys play baseball with Daddy:

A rainy afternoon and getting a picture of Joel and Gavin napping together:

Gavin's sweet smile and infectious laugh:

Finding Nolan reading anywhere in our house, at any given time:

(He loves to read! He read 2 short chapter books in about 2 hour's time lastnight!)

Finding big brother Jake holding Gavin: (He is such a great big brother!)

Seeing Caleb dress up in one of his MANY costumes:

(Note the mustache that he made himself and taped to his lip. He cracks me up!)

Having weather nice enough to be able to hang our sheets out on the line:

So, even though my life can be filled with sadness, it's also filled with many blessings that make my day!

On a side note:

The pictures above that showed nice weather, they are a thing of the past! We had such lovely weather last Friday, and this Sunday and Monday, but this is what yesterday looked like around here!


With hail!

And, lots of water! (This is a hole in the ground, in our backyard. It is meant to be a hole for an above ground pool, hopefully to be finished this year! It was totally dry, but within 30 minutes it was filled with rain yesterday! CRAZY!)

I guess we take the good with the bad! It's supposed to be wet and maybe even snowy the next couple of days. It's Spring break this week for our boys....I guess I'll be looking for something for them to do.....HMM.....any suggestions????

Have a great day!

And, please continue to keep Gavin's friends; Mallorie and Ben in your prayers! Thank you!

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth." Proverbs 27:1

Monday, April 5, 2010

Do you think Gavin needs a haircut?

"No Momma, I like my hair like this!" (Gavin DOES NOT like to have his hair cut!)


Do I just need a girl?!

Gavin says, "How humiliating!"

Hey! A Momma's got to have some fun, Right?!

"My Momma sure is silly! And, she might be onto something.....if this means no more haircuts!"

What do you think?

I'm voting that I need a girl! :)

"But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10:30-31

Sunday, April 4, 2010

He Arose!

Low in the grave Christ lay
(From the Psalter Hymnal)

1. Low in the grave Christ lay
Jesus, my Savior;
waiting the coming day
Jesus, my Lord.


Up from the grave He arose,
with a mighty triumph o'er His foes.
He arose a victor from the dark domain,
and He lives forever with His saints to reign!
He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!

2. Vainly they watch His bed
Jesus, my Savior;
vainly they seal the dead
Jesus, my Lord. Refrain

3. Death cannot keep its prey
Jesus, my Savior;
He tore the bars away
Jesus, my Lord. Refrain

What a blessing to those who believe in Him!

"But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave. For He shall receive me." Psalm 49:50


Please pray for a few of Gavin's sweet friends! They are spending this glorious day in the hospital and it makes Gavin and I sad to know that they are suffering at this time!

Alex had an accident and has a broken vertebrae. Pray that he heals quickly and that he will be able to continue to inspire us all with his ongoing accomplishments! Thinking of you Alex!

Mallorie is in the hospital and having unexplained seizures. Please pray that they can be controlled and that she can go home again very soon! Be warned: If you visit her blog, you may fall head over heals in love, like I have! Get well soon sweet Mallorie!

Ben is back in the hospital with a deflated lung. Please pray that his lungs will heal and that he can return home again very soon! Ben likes to spend lots of time in the much, in fact, that he decided to spend his 8th birthday there! Go wish this sweet boy a speedy recovery and a happy birthday! Beware: You will fall hard for this sweet boy as well! Happy Birthday Ben! GET HOME SOON!

Thanks for your prayers!

"Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice." Psalm 55:17

Friday, April 2, 2010

Things that ruin my day

I want to start out saying that I am a very blessed girl! There is no doubt about this! But.....

There are some things that can ruin my day, no matter how blessed and thankful I am feeling. Here are a few that occurred this week, that have left me feeling sorry for myself.

I love when I am out with Gavin and people take the time to say how cute he is! But, I hate it when they look at him and say, "AWW, he's asleep." or "What a sleepy boy!" This may not seem like such a big deal, but it is to me!

Gavin is almost never sleeping during the day, but people always think that he is! When people say this to me, it's like a slap in the face to me, because it forces me back into reality.....Gavin is not typical. Gavin looks like he is sleeping because he can't sit up on his own and if I'm holding him, he has his head on my shoulder because he can't even hold his head up very well! Yes, he may look like he's sleeping, but he's not!

I also hear, "Oh, listen to him snoring when he sleeps!" For one, He's NOT SLEEPING! And, for two, he breathes like this a lot of the time because his airway is so narrow and small. He's NOT SNORING!

These things may not seem like a big deal, but they are to me! I am so sad that my 3 1/2 year old can't even hold his head up very well and I am sad that he has to breathe loudly! I feel bad for him and I feel bad for me too!

My day is also ruined when I see another little one with Down syndrome. I LOVE those with Down fact, my dream is to adopt a little girl with DS! But, when I see another child with DS, it makes me see just how far behind Gavin is and it makes me angry that all of this possibility was taken away from him due to medical error! I want the Gavin that he COULD HAVE BEEN!

I am crying my eyes out right now and I know that I will feel better again in a day or two, but right now, I'm hurting for the boy that could have been.

Another thing that gets to me is when someone tells me, "At least you have 3 other healthy boys." Yes, I am SO BLESSED to have 4 boys and that 3 of them are healthy, but this doesn't change the fact that Gavin isn't! I mourn the loss of him as a typical and healthy child everyday!

Oh, and I also dislike it when people say, "At least Gavin is alive." I KNOW! He could have died several times in his life and I AM BLESSED just to have him! But.....this doesn't change the fact that he will never be a typical child with Down syndrome! And, it doesn't change the fact that Gavin's life expectancy is short. And, this hurts!

I love Gavin dearly! I AM BLESSED to have him in my life! He is seriously the greatest gift ever given to me, besides Jesus dying on the cross for me! I am so thankful for both of these gifts!

But, I am the one that has to wake up each day and mourn the loss of the boy that Gavin could have been. I am the one that has to carry him everywhere, entertain him since he can't get around to do this for himself, dress him, feed him by a tube, take him to tons of doctors, and have people say well intentioned things to me.....that just really end up hurting me in the end.

So, even though I am SO BLESSED to have this little man... is a very emotional job to have!

I love Gavin with ALL of my heart! I just wish that he could be, all that he could have been! And, this breaks my heart.

This verse really touched me and had me in tears again:

"Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7