I've been wanting more children in my life.....but I'm not talking about having more of my own.....although I do desire to adopt a child someday. The children I've been longing for in my life would not be mine. They would be someone else's that I could visit and spoil and love and them leave them with their parents! :)
I have REALLY wanted to be an Aunt for quite sometime! And, Guess What??!! I am finally going to get my wish! Not only am I going to be an Aunt, I'm going to be an Aunt times two!
My sister, Amy, is going to have a baby! AND, Joel's sister, Jill, is going to be having one too! I am So EXCITED about this and so happy for them both! I've been waiting to officially become an Aunt for so long.....I mean, I have a 14 year old! Don't ya think it's about time that I should be able to spoil someone else's child?!
Anyway, I am so excited! Thanks Amy and Mark and Jill and Mike for this wonderful opportunity! We are very happy for you and can't wait to meet your bundles of joy!
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Nolan also got some baby news at school this week. His teacher is expecting her first child! Nolan is quite excited about this! I don't know if this makes him "Uncle Nolan" or not, but you'd think that it did, to see how excited he was when he told me the great news!
Babies are such a gift from God!
So, Congrats to all you wonderful Ladies!
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Now, onto my feelings.
A few months ago, I read a friend's blog, where she shared why she wasn't a good person to talk to a pregnant woman. I could totally relate to what she was saying!
I am always so excited for women when they tell me that they are having a baby! But, I feel like I'm the woman that they fear while they are pregnant. I am someone who had an abnormal experience.....my baby was born with something wrong with him! I am the biggest fear of a pregnant lady. I don't know if they feel this way around me, but this is how I feel.
Most women deliver perfectly healthy and typical babies, so no one should feel this way around me knowing that Gavin was born with DS and heart defects. But, the probability is good, that I may make these ladies feel uneasy, thinking of what I have went through. And, this makes me sad.
It makes me sad, because I definitely don't want to be a reason for someone to worry during their pregnancy. And, it makes me sad, because I know how wonderful the gift of Gavin has actually been to me, and anyone who received a "Gavin" would be truly blessed, they just don't know it yet, like I didn't know before I was given Gavin!
There has been a whole lot of heartache in my life since Gavin joined our family, but I can honestly say that there is much more happiness since he's come along, than saddness. He is truly my greatest gift ever given to me!
I just commented on another friend's blog about something Jacob recently said about Gavin. Jacob said, "Gavin is such a good person!" I didn't think much about this statement until later, but when I did think about it, I realized what he meant.
Gavin is truly a good person! He sins in his own way, but there is mostly goodness that pours from him! He never has a bad thing to say to anyone. He almost always has a smile for you, if you just give him a tiny bit of attention. He loves unconditionally. And, he makes people happy by just laying there, being him! How many other people in this world can you say this about?
Most of us struggle to keep a good attitude throughout the day. We are sometimes grumpy, selfish, etc. But, Gavin is very consistant in being a great human being! He is the one person that can put a smile on my face, no matter how grumpy I am! He is the one that fills my heart with peace, when I am feeling over-burdened. He is simply a "good person!"
This is why I know that ALL women would be happy to have a blessed child like Gavin! He is such a gift to our family and I thank God for him daily!
Of couse, I have all this information in hind sight, so I know what a blessing a child like Gavin is! So, I totally understand it if other pregnant women might feel uncomfortable aroung me and "my story." I guess the moral of all of this is: ALL children are a gift from the Lord!
But..........then there are times that I open my mouth and wish that I hadn't! Sometimes I find myself saying something totally inappropriate and kick myself for saying it! I did this lastnight, while talking to 2 pregnant women. I hate myself today, for giving them any reason for worry during their pregnancy!
We were talking about being pregnant and sharing our stories, like women do, and one of them was saying how sick she felt and the other said, "Well, at least this means that everything is alright." Then, out of my mouth, without even thinking, I said, "I used to think that until I had Gavin." AAUGGHH!!!
What an insensitive thing to say to a pregnant woman! I didn't even think! I was just talking as friends do! I could have kicked myself after I said it though.
The fact is, I was very sick while pregnant with Gavin and it obviously didn't mean a thing, since he was born with heart defects and ended up going down hill from that point on. Every women's "story", while pregnant is different and I truly didn't mean anything by what I said, but I am feeling sick about it today.
So, obviously I am not a good person to talk to a pregnant woman either!
I know in my heart that every child is a perfect blessing from God and that this blessing will make your life better than you can possibly imagine it to be! I guess I should just stick with saying this to a pregnant woman! This is my plan in the future, but just in case you are pregnant and don't want to face me saying something that I wish that I hadn't said.....maybe you should just stay away from me until your wonderful blessing is born! And, if you don't stay away, I'm sorry in advance, if I do say something that makes you wish you hadn't talked to me in the first place. Just know, that my heart means good and that I KNOW that your life is about to get better, no matter what the Lord has planned for you and your baby!
Here is a picture of 2 of my blessings from God. They had a Spring program to sing in at school lastnight. Aren't they a handsome duo?! I am so blessed!
"For He has strengthened the bars of your gates; He has blessed your children within you." Psalm 147:13
6 comments:
I should think you would be the one to talk to !! You had a baby with problems(every one's worst nightmare , while they are pregnant) And you are HAPPY!!!!!! You're life didn't end. You are still smiling! And Gavin is smiling too!
I wish I had someone like you to talk to in person while I was pregnant. Thank God I found this wonderful world of blogs. I searched for families like yours. I needed proof that life went on.
I didn't want to see the"perfect" families I wanted the real deal.
And yippee for you ! AUNTIE! What sweet news!!!!
I know what you mean about talking to pregnant women. I have a very good friend who is pregnant and due in June. She and I have had several conversations about pregnancy & babies and I have found myself biting my tongue more than once. I did ask her to have the hospital test her little guy with a pulse ox before they left the hospital to check for CHD. She started asking questions and my "I'm not a doctor but I play one in real life" side came out and I started telling her all this stuff. I could see her eyes glaze over at one point and I could tell I had told her too much. Ugh.
This same friend is going to allow me to get my baby fix. She will be going back to work in September and I will be watching her little guy while she works! So, I get to cuddle the baby and then give him back to mommy! Plus I get to test the waters to see if we want another kiddo and see how Marissa reacts to having a "little brother"!
Congratulations (times two) on being an Aunt soon! Yahoo!
Have a great day!
Thanks for the shout-out and for your excitement and support during this amazing time! :o)
While I can't speak for other pregnant women, I can definitely say that I DO NOT think that way when I talk to or think of your own last pregnancy. Quite the contrary! First of all, you know sooooooo much that I can benefit from! Secondly, you have seen the darkest corner with one of your babies, and yet I see you as being the most enlightened that you've ever been in life because of it! So really, you are inspiring and don't cause me to feel sad or worried at all. As far as that goes, I don't think about or worry too much about if I'm carrying a completely healthy baby or not. I know that Mark and I will be blessed with the baby we are meant to have. If that means God needs a loving, accepting home for a baby with a disability, we will take it in stride and deal with it with grace. Being pregnant means being out of control and putting your faith in the unknown - much like the life of a believer, really! I know Mark and I are strong enough as a couple and have such an amazing network of supportive family and friends...if we are presented with a "dare to be great" situation like you were when Gavin was born, we will make it through just fine. (((hugs)))
Congrats on being an AUNT! YAY!!! :) It's almost liking having your own - except you didn't carry or birth them. They are FUN!
I totally know what you're talking about... Whenever someone I know is pregnant, she typically comes to me with apologies and pity. And typically I feel like my "normal" experiences like nursing and sleepless nights and crying fits are so little compared to the "bigness" of Esther-Faith's differences. I just keep telling myself that God is giving me the opportunity to parent the kids he picked out for me--birth child and adopted children.
And I love Nolan's excitement! When Isaac was in first grade his teacher was pregnant with twins. He said to me, "You gotta love the teacher that's growing babies." LOL.
(P.S. Do you mind if I list your blog in my sidebar?)
Dearest Alicia (MY first-born): It saddens me to read this and know that you are "beating yourself up" for the conversation you had with your pregnant friends. Knowing you probably better than anyone, I know that you do NOT have a mean bone in your body, and that you would NOT intentionally say or do anything that would hurt anyone! You are ultra sensitive and way too hard on yourself (a trait you learned from me, I'm afraid). PLEASE give yourself a break and realize that ALL things work for good to those who love God. What you think may have harmed or alarmed your friends may, in God's providencce, been exactly what they needed to hear at the time. You care SO much about everyone and everything (especially children) and would not knowingly hurt anyone. I pray you do not lose anymore sleep over this incident and rely totally on God, who puts us in various situations as a means of help to others. Forgive yourself, as Christ has forgiven us. Now, if ever you intentionally go out of your way to be mean and to offend and/or hurt others....you have my permission to beat yourself up and be hard on yourself....until then, relax and let it go. I love you so much and am so proud of you! You and Amy are the biggest and most precious Blessings in MY life.
Mom
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