Friday, September 25, 2009

It's a Brand New Day!

This is what the sky looked like at our house this morning!

I really needed to see this picture of majesty this morning! It has been a long week for me, a week filled with lots going on and lots of emotions storming my brain! I don't appreciate days like these, but at least there is tomorrow to look forward to and God's gift of beauty surrounding us every day!

Most days I'm fine with the fact that Gavin had a stroke and that he will never be the same again. But, every couple of months something brings me back to those days that he was suffering, and the day that he suffered his stroke. This happened to me again this week. I'm not in the mood to discuss it right now because I'm feeling quite raw with my feelings and very uncertain about things.

Do you ever just feel like you are running on a hamster wheel, doing the same things every day and not getting anywhere? Do you ever feel like there is just no real purpose to your life? Do you ever ponder "What is the purpose of this life?" This is how I am feeling this week.

Yesterday I asked Joel and Jacob these questions. Surprisingly, they both had the same answers for me! Their answer to what our life's purpose is was; "To honor and glorify God and to do His will." I guess that I'm surrounded by some very smart guys in my life, because this is the truth and it's just what I needed to hear! The problem I have is that, some days it's just so difficult to glorify God! I haven't done a very good job of doing this, this week. I'm feeling rotten emotionally and I'm having a hard time accepting mine and Gavin's purpose in this world.

Every evening I find myself standing at the kitchen counter doing the same thing that I do EVERY DAY! I am mixing up Gavin's food for the next day and I am drawing up syringes with his medications for the night and the next morning's dose. EVERY SINGLE DAY! When I am doing this, I am thinking to myself; "I'm back here already? Where did the day go? What did you do with this day?" Most days I feel like I've done nothing much of anything, even though I was busy the whole day long! What do I have to show for all this busyness?

Sorry for dumping all these crazy emotions on you, but I have to dump them somewhere! Do you ever wonder about life's purpose for you? Do you ever think that there HAS to be a greater purpose for you? This is how I'm feeling this week. My only consolation in all of this, is that it HAS gotten me thinking about my purpose in life and hopefully something good will come out of all this thinking that I'm doing! This is what I'm working on anyway. Hopefully soon I'll come up with what that purpose may be.

Thankfully, I DO KNOW that there is a purpose and reason for everything. And, thankfully, I have reminders of it all around me. For example, there was today's sunrise and there was yesterday's conversation with the men in my life. Plus, there are scriptures in the Bible that tell me this. Here is one that Caleb is learning for school this week.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that Day, and not to me only, but to all who have loved His appearing." IITimothy 4:7-8

Until then, I'll keep fighting and praying and searching.....


Please pray for Jaxson and his family today. Jaxson is going in for surgery today and he has not been very stable lately. Please pray that his surgery goes well and that his family will be given peace today. They are also having to make the decision of whether to have a trach put in Jaxson or not. His airway is extremely compromised, but having a trach is a life changing thing. I feel such a bond with Jax and his mom, because Jax suffered a stroke, much like Gavin's, and their life seems to parallel our life in many ways. I hate knowing that they are having to suffer even more than they already have! So, please add them to your prayers today! Thank you!

"...Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." Hebrews 12:1


Annette Gysen said...

That was a beautiful sky--we noticed it too! Great pics!

It seems like no matter who we are or what we do, we have this question. I've been asking it a lot lately too. But I suspect that Gavin (and the rest of your family) knows that you have a really great purpose!

Michelle said...

What lovely pics, Alicia. I really can understand how you are feeling. I'm having a rough couple weeks too, so here's sending you a cyber hug and lots and lots of prayer....wish I had some great words of wisdom...

Alicia said...

I'm sorry I am just now seeing this.

I totally know what you mean about finding it hard to glorify God, especially in the hardest seasons of our lives. Or even the seasons where we feel stuck.

I went to Women of Faith last weekend. I highly recommed you look into it to see if they are going to be in a city near you sometime.

Steven Curtis Chapman was a special guest at Friday night's conference and, of course, he spoke of losing his youngest daughter, Maria, just 16 months ago. He spoke about this very thing: praising and glorifying God in your worst moments and how hard it is to do that. He sang "Cinderella" which he wrote about his two youngest daughters. It really touched me that he found the courage to sing that song which means so much to him after losing Maria such a short time ago. His family's story is such a strong testament to the power and grace of God's love.

All this to say that what you are going through is not uncommon, especially for those living this kind of life we are. I wish we lived closer so I could give you big big hugs. I am praying for you and Gavin, as well as Jaxon and his family.

Hua said...

Hey Alicia,

Beautiful pictures. I'm sorry that you are going through a rough patch right now. Don't stress, everything happens for a reason.

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