Most of the time, I try to focus on what he can do and all that he brings to the lives of those who he is around. But........sometimes I can't help but think of what he should be doing right now!
I really started thinking about all of this after school started this Fall. Gavin really should be home with me all the time, not going to school! We have never sent our boys to school until they are 4 years of age. This kind of hit me hard. It also hit me even harder when Sunday School began at our church this year. Normally, children start going to Sunday School when they turn 3. I'm not even sure if Gavin will EVER attend Sunday School! And, this makes me feel sad.
Gavin should be going outside today to play in the snow with his brothers, since it's ANOTHER snow day! But, instead he will be staying warm inside with me. Gavin should be getting into all of his brother's Legos, but they go untouched on the floor around them. Gavin should be wrestling with his brothers and annoying them, but instead he's the only brother that never has a bad thing to say or do to another brother. (Yes, this is actually a good thing, but it's still difficult to accept.)
Gavin should be eating food with us at each meal, but instead he just joins us at the table and sits with us while all of us are eating. Gavin should be making a mess at the table and I should be telling him to sit still and use his manners, like I have to do with his brothers each and every meal! (Yes, this is also a good thing, but I really wish that he were driving me nuts at the table instead!)
*On a side note:
Most meals around here are anything but peaceful! Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner are usually rushed and the boys are usually being reprimanded for poor manners and acting goofy. Lastnight Joel had a WONDERFUL idea! I had just called them in to eat, from playing outside. And, of course they didn't hear me or decided to just ignore me. So, Joel said, "Why don't Gavin, You and I have a nice peaceful meal tonight and call the boys in after we eat?" I wasn't too sure about this idea, but then I thought about the indigestion that the boys usually give me each Dinner hour and decided to go along with it. Let me tell you, We had such a pleasant meal! :)
Anyway, there are so many other things that Gavin should be doing right now and I really hate that he isn't able to! The good thing is, Gavin doesn't know any better and he is a happy guy whether or not he is is capable of doing all that he should be doing! Plus, he has a way of brightening my day because he is the one person that always has a smile for me and who is always happy to see me!
I don't know what God's plan for Gavin is. But, I do know that, although Gavin can't really do much, he sure does a whole lot just by being him!
"Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also shall rest in hope." Psalm 16:9
7 comments:
First of all, we got our package yesterday. Thank you, thank you, we love it. And the big boys felt so included because there was something for them too.
You know i'm the same way with Jax. People just die when I tell them he's 4. I hate listening to people whine that their child can't walk at 15 months. But Jax and Gavin touch peoples lives much more than the typical DS child. Most people tear up or just plain cry when they hold Jax. They can feel his angel spirit so strong. Jax will never walk and probably never sit up, but he's my little fighter and angel straight from heaven!!
Lacey is right, Gavin touches so many lives. He's a beautiful little boy with an amazing Mom. ((Hugs)) I wish I had magic words to make you cheer up.
Gavin is a reminder from God that our value isn't in what we do. And that makes him priceless :)!
Right there with you friend. Its hard not to think about what they should be doing, talking, playing with certain toys, going certain places, its hard, it hurts. We can sit back and watch in amazement at what they are doing! Together!
First, I got your package and I sent a proper "thank you" note out today! Thanks, Marissa will be SO happy!!
Second, I really like Joel's dinner idea. Maybe you should do that more often? : )
Third, I hear and understand what you are saying. It is hard to acknowledge all the things Gavin should be doing but isn't. But, as usual, you ended your post on a positive note. That is what I love about you, friend. You have every right to be sad and grieve for the things lost to Gavin. Yet, while you are sad and you do grieve, you always give the glory to God and show perfectly how strong your faith is in Him.
Hugs to you, friend.
You know, I just had this conversation with my husband last night. He said he never thinks aboput it, and even if he does, it doesn't bother me. In fact I was just typing a blog entry about shopping last night and how hard it is emotionally, and I don't have the energy to finish it.
Your last sentence is right on. There is so much our kids can't do, and so much that they DO do, just by being themselves.
He is so awesome! I think about very many of the same things with Addy, but I've decided whatever she ends up doing is fine with me and I know you feel the same about Gavin!
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