A few months ago the reality of caring for Gavin just hit me. I think it's when he suddenly grew a couple of inches and gained a few pounds. I realized that the future isn't going to change the fact that Gavin had a major stroke that killed off most of his brain, and he's most likely going to need to be carried around, and have all of his needs met by me forever. (Or as long as God blesses us with him in our lives.) Ever since this reality set in, I've been really struggling with this enormous responsibility. I've felt depressed, and even angry at times.....I just haven't been allowing myself to see the blessing that Gavin is.....something I've always been able to do in the past. Instead, I've felt a huge burden on my shoulders and it hasn't felt good at all!
This morning I heard a song on the radio after dropping the boys off at school. It's a song I've heard about 100 times, but this morning it really spoke to me. I sat in the car crying my eyes out and feeling such a sense of relief! I was, again, made aware of the fact that this world is NOT about me! I have been given this 'burden' for a reason........a reason that is way bigger than me!
I now feel refreshed, and ready to face my days with more gratitude! I hope to make this song my anthem in life.....and focus on the 'rainbows' that pop up with every 'storm' that comes my way!
"Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"
"I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of the flesh." Genesis 9:13-15a