Friday, February 11, 2011

Finding Joy in the Trial

If you read yesterday's post, you know that I had reached my breaking point yesterday, and that I was sinking fast!

Being sick myself, caring for a VERY sick boy, and not getting sleep is a recipe for is for me anyway! Without sleep, I can't function properly. I NEED my sleep! And, for the last week I have received very little of this precious comodity. So, yesterday morning I broke.....hence the pleading post.

But, getting it all out really helped!

I am horrible at asking for help when I need it! It's not that I don't have people around who are willing to give it.....I just hate to ask! I like to do it all on my own (not that I ever get everything done that I need to do), but what I do get done, I prefer to do it all myself.....even if it means that I break down in the process!

Yesterday I learned that I can't do it all, and that it's OK to ask for help!

(We'll see how long this revelation sticks with me?!)

And, even though I didn't really "Ask" for help.....except from my Mom (Thanks Mom!!!).....I received lots of help, offers to help, and emotional support and prayers!

Which brings me to today.

It's like a night and day difference.

My attitude is better! I'm still tired, but I'm not dragging anymore. I physically feel much better, although I still feel pretty yuck! And, I am reminded just how blessed I am!

And, all it took was to break down, vent on this blog and FB, and to call my Mommy! :)

Our fridge is now full thanks to my Mom, and 2 dear friends! THANK YOU!!! And, I know who I can call if I'm ever about to reach my breaking point!

One friend said something like this today, "You wonder sometimes why it is that God seems so far away when we are struggling so badly." And, it definitely does feel like this sometimes! I was calling out to God for healing.....for sleep....for help! But, the answers and relief just didn't seem to come.

But, I think the answers were always there! God was just helping me, and waiting for me, to see that these answers were right before me! The answers of the Family and Friends, that He has placed in my life!

Plus, when I get to that point of well-being, I'm certain my head is too full of craziness to be able to "listen" to God, or to be able to remember to look toward Him anyway. After all, I am my own worst enemy sometimes!

I mean, How were these people to know that I needed help, if I wasn't willing to ask for it?!

So, today I am able to see past my present trial.....and see the joy and goodness that was always here! also helps that I got a little bit of sleep lastnight too!

And, that Gavin and I are improving some!

Gavin is still on oxygen, but his breathing is a lot less labored. He only had a couple of seizures, so far today. (The neuro increased his Keppra) He no longer has a fever and he slept way better lastnight! (He was started on an maybe it's helping?) And, he is needing less pain medication than he has the last few days!

Look how pretty his new meds are! Pink and Purple! I don't see much of these colors around this house! :) I must be feeling lighter today, if I am finding joy even in medication....right?!

AND.....we saw some of these numers today:

And, EVEN this number!

The top number is his blood oxygenation....and 100 is the best it can get! The lower number is his heart rate.

In days past, these numbers have been all over the place for Gavin! He was in the mid 80's for oxygen and 150's for heart rate.....which just means that he wasn't doing well, and his body was fighting hard!

Gavin normally only runs at about 95-97% oxygenation, because of his lung disease and heart defect. The 99% and 100% numbers that we got today, were with him on oxygen, but in days before he was only around 92%, with O2 on, so he is doing great today, compared with the rest of this week!

This change probably has helped my outlook on life as well!

Oh, and this sweet smile has helped a lot too! I've missed seeing Gavin's happy face! Today I got quite a few smiles!

So, I feel like we are over the hump, and the rest of the ride will be more bearable!

But, if it's not all smooth sailing.....I know that God has given me people to call, if I need help, and many of you who are willing to pray!

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5


Heather said...

So glad your mom.You are so very blessed to have her.Mine is absent in our lives and during these last 4 years,especially the last 2,it would have been nice to have her emotionally and physically.

And of course there is that sweet boy of yours,that with his beautiful smile and ever enduring courage and resiliency,gives you strength to press on to the next day.

So happy today was better.Hopefully you have all turned a corner.Praying for it.

Cammie Heflin said...

I'm so glad that you guys are doing better! I LOVE seeing that awesome number! I know how exciting that is! Hugs to Gavin and his sweet, sweet smile! Love you buddy!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Loving his grin in the last picture. I am right there with you lately, feeling like I am at my breaking point. I just told my husband that it would be awesome if someone would make us a meal or offer to take Jacob to the movies or something - anything - without me having to ask for it. It's so hard to ask for help!

Marilyn from Auburn Hills said...

Alicia, your support system will make such a huge difference for you. I know you are WonderMom, but even SHE needs to ask for help sometimes. :) God bless yours and Gavin's healing this day! Hugs,

Debbie said...

Purging does wonders, huh??Lol...isnt that what our blogs are for???

I can say I have been where you were, and doesn't it feel so much better once it is a new have more see the hands and feet of Jesus among you as meals are delivered, calls come in, care is poured out.

It's exhausting in itself..the comprimised child and typical illness...but super-mom down and out too...ouch! We never are able to take care of us when it's our time to fall apart...huh?

You guys are always in my prayers and thoughts...

Lacey said...

He does look much better, although now he looks like Jax. Pale! I'm so glad that you got help, and that you were able to keep your munchkin home! Kisses to Gavi from us!

Michelle said...

I am so relieved to read your post. I so wish I lived near you. Keeping you in prayer.